I've got so much crossed...

...that I'm surprised I can function. We're going to view one, hopefully two, houses this week. One that my husband picked and loved the listing for and was desperate to view but is a little out of the way for me, and only has two bedrooms (but a double garage *rolls eyes*). And one that I wanted to view as the area is very good, it has a garage, three bedrooms, a massive lounge and dining room and is beautifully decorated. We managed to get an appt to view the first one tomorrow night and we're waiting for the estate agent to call back about the second. Once again, my husband is being indecisive, he was desperate to see the first house on Friday and by tonight he had started to change his mind about the area, can we have a collective eye roll? He has, however, had a glowing recommendation for the area the other house is in so fingers crossed we get to see it soon and it lives up to it's listing. Especially as on Thursday I went through every listed property in the city and there were only two districts that he didn't refuse to live in...

In other news, I have finished month one of my 365 Project :) The site wont upload today, but I have taken today's photo (and am very proud of it actually) and I will put it up as soon as I can.

My hair is starting to grow again, a few weeks ago I cut greats chunks out of it to get rid of the final vestiges of bleach from last March, so my hair is now all one colour (currently dark red) but extremely short. I was told to take pre-natal vitamins to get it grow a bit quicker but I think that might actually give my husband a stroke...

My friend and I are planning a joint 25th birthday party this May. I think we've found a venue and I've started stocking up on party supplies (we need a theme dahling!) we also get to decorate, choose our own music and we get a dedicated bar and staff. Epic.

My earphones broke the other day :( Luckily I work right next door to an electronics shop so popped in before work to buy a new set. Recently I've been listening to my mp3 player as loud as it goes, total immersion. I put my new earphones in and I had to rip them out of my ears because it was so loud! So I am now a very happy bunny :)

I have finally cleared and removed the overdraft from my bank account :D It wasn't a lot of debt by current student standards but I wanted rid of it before I bought another house. Very satisfying, even though the bank teller did try to convince me to keep it (and we wonder where the banks went wrong?")

This week people have been giving me a lot of advice. And sometimes I appreciate it, like how to get the best deal on my new mortgage, which areas are the best to live in, what colour I should dye my hair etc. However when the woman who irons her tea towels and socks tells me that having a dishwasher is a waste of water and electricity, the cousin who still lives at home and pays no rent tells me to rent for a few years to get my credit rating up before I buy a new house and the woman with no children tells me I don't want kids and that I have things to do with my life before I settle down then I tend to get antsy.

My mum just told me that the gorgeous christening shawl she has been knitting for the last year is for my first child. I am actually sitting here with tears in my eyes, I love that shawl, and had always secretly hoped she'd do one for me, so hearing that this one is for me has made my day :)

On that subject, my husband has mentioned on more than one occasion this last week the fact we're going to start a family. Now I'm not sure if this is more of his "Sometime in the future" talk or if he's actually relaxing a little bit, but either way, it's nice to know my ranting at him hasn't put him off the idea completely...

Now I'm off to watch some Family Guy and relax a bit, I'm not working tomorrow as it's a local holiday so I can continue my spring cleaning (always fun!) but at least I don't have to get up early :) Until next time, a quote from a song and a film that both remind me of old friends, open up your lovin' arms, and watch out, here I come...

Shocking...

...Well, as predicted, we aren't buying the house from last night. The difference this time is that when we left the house my husband said to me "I really liked it, I really, really liked it, shall we just bite the bullet?" to which I replied yes, call the financial advisor, call the solicitor, call the owner. In the half hour it took us to drive home he changed his mind. So today things are somewhat strained. I'm still not feeling very much of anything, which is driving him mad as he hates it when I'm like this. It drives me mad as well, but that's beside the point.

Today we did visit a new estate agent, who has a house that sounds perfect coming up once the home report has been done. Now it is within the school catchment area, but it really does sound perfect, and is on the outer edge of the estates up there. It has three bedrooms, bathroom, WC, kitchen, lounge, dining room and garage. They are all the things we asked, and it's in our price range and in walking distance to work, for both of us. So we'll see. The solicitor is going to call us when the home report is completed. I'm not holding my breath, but strnager things have happened than my husband getting his act together.

I also told him that I don't want to live in the country (not sure where he'd got that idea from, but he made the "We used to live in country villages as kids so we want to get back to that" speech both at the house and estate agent so I decided to get it out there that actually, that's not what I want. I'm a city girl at heart (apparently) and while I want to get out of noisy estates, I don't want to live in the back arse end of beyond. I tried not to be difficult about it and he seemed to accept it well, so clearly the best thing to do.

So, we shall see. In the meantime I shall continue to do my perfect housewife bit, clean the kitchen, cook the food, wash the clothes, and we'll see what happens. We've got exactly 12 weeks left now on our lease, and 10 weeks before the end of his next school holiday, during which he wants to move. Given that a move usually takes eight weeks to organise from paperwork to moving day we still have time...

For now, I'm watching bad comedy, reading Merry Gentry and sleeping on the couch a lot (migraines are back) A rather obscure quote to end on tonight. Give me time, just, give me time!

Brains... Must eat... Braaaaaaiiins...

Or something. I've given up entirely on being a normal human being because it's just not happening. What IS happening is that I'm drifting from one hour to the next with no real clue as to what's going on.

We're going to view this house in a few hours. I've looked over the details a few times and worked out the pros and cons and to be honest, I'd be happy with it. But I refuse to get excited about it's possibilities because odds are my husband will find something wrong with it. To be honest, I'm expecting him to decided that actually he does want a garage despite him saying it wasn't important. So I'm going to stay quiet, leave it all be until he's made his feelings known one way or another and be prepared for the worst.

Strange thing is, when he came back on Sunday night he started talking about getting the home report back from the house we viewed last week that I loved. He told me how much it was valued at and I mentioned a reasonable bid and agreement (in my eyes) given that information. He then agreed with me before telling me a story about his weekend away... Confucious say, man who plays with his wife's mind is going to get stabbed in the eye (ironically he bought me a spork while he was away)

In the meantime I'm cleaning up. My husband has spent six years complaining that I leave clothes, books, sweet wrappers, DVDs and every other thing I've ever owned, lying around the house. So since we moved I've made a concerted effort to tidy up more since I know I can be messy. However, we still had a row last month about him having to tidy up after me. But today, while looking around, I noticed an odd thing. There's a pile of his Christmas presents still sitting at the bottom of the stairs. The fleece he was wearing to clean the car is also on the stairs, along with my hairdryer, which he used to seal glue in the windscreen washers. There's a book and a magazine of his lying in the kitchen, and a pile of magazines beside the sofa. A pair of his shoes are by the back door and the book he was reading last night is on a chair in the lounge. There are flyers from a magazine he reads on the lounge floor and mail of his is on the kitchen table. In the spare room he has things spread out all over the (king-size) bed and beside table. So. All his things are now in piles. If he doesn't move them, I'll move them. Into the garage. Watch him complain then!

So now I'm off, to mend some clothes and finish clearing things away, and then wait for him to come home and take me to the house viewing (I cannot wait for the day I can buy my own car) Until next time, CLEAN YOUR ROOM!

And then, I burst into flame.

Kudos and cookies for anyone who gets the reference...

Well, we've been to view a few houses now, the first was a complete bust, seriously, I've seen student bedsits with five Irish lads living away from home for the first time in them that were in better condition. The second on the other hand was perfect. In my eyes at least. My husband disagrees and despite how much I might want to I can't force him to live there. So back to the drawing board. We've got another viewing on Tuesday (further away, smaller, no garage) that he seems to think is a better propsect. To say I'm humouring him would be an understatement, but I will anyway, reminds me of the story of how we found a house up here to rent actually.

We booked in to see one house. That's right folks, one house. After I spent a week telling him to sort out some places to see. It wasn't at all suitable, so we didn't take it. We then went into a few estate agents in town and asked them what they had going. We found one place, which was too expensive, but fit the bill. We went back into the office and asked them about it and if there was any chance we could see it that day. As we were begging with the agents the owner walked in! She agreed to take us up there and then and we put the holding deposit down that evening. That is the house we're currently living in. And that was fine. But now we need to find somewhere new, and if he doesn't stop being so picky it's just not going to happen.

There have also been a few conversations recently about us having a family. I have all sorts of concerns here, there are family medical factors, my age, the fact I am so broody it makes my stomach ache... These are frustrating, as while we both agree we should wait until we have a house and are prepared for them, I still physically hurt everytime I see a woman and her young child.

Sorry for the doom and gloom folks, but the blog is called Ophelia Sulks, and today I'm sulking like a pro. Until next time, a quote from Juno (which I have already watched in my attempt to bring some tears to my eyes. It didn't work.) DREAM BIG!

Daddy issues.

So today I spoke to my father for the first time in a few weeks. I should explain, my dad and I have something of a tense relationship. For the most part he was supportive of me, he told me to stand up for myself, watched out for me, did everything he should. He helped me with my homework and taught me to ride a bike. But he worked on the other side of the country, which means he commutted for two hours each way every day and I rarely saw him. And he had red hair and the temper that traditionally comes with it.

He and my mum argued a lot. I rarely took it in to be honest. Then they seperated and my mum re-married. As I got older my dad started to make comments about how he wasn't paying any maintenance for me, and tell his friends he could reduce me to tears over the phone if he wanted to. He was proud of both of these facts.

When I got married my father wanted to give me away, he wanted to be on the invitation as a host of the wedding, though again, he paid for nothing. He came to the wedding, got drunk, made a 20 minute speech about himself, got drunker, made advances at my mother, in front of my step-dad, wrapped himself around my older cousin for half an hour telling her how much he misses our family, then hung himself off me on the dancefloor while I was trying to say goodbye to my guests. He eventually passed out, on the floor of the supper room, and two of my older cousins and the best man lifted him, put him in the emergency evacuation chair and got him down to a taxi. He later claimed to have not been drunk, but to have been tired and emotional.

Since then he has planned to visit me and cancelled more times than I care to remember. He came up for my graduation and actually behaved himself, though my mum and I drank a lot of wine. He still has never offered any help, taken much of an interest in my life or even spoken to my husband in the nearly four years since my wedding day. I began to distance myself. Easier that way.

Today he called me and complained that I'm never home when he tries to call, this is despite the fact I tried to call him on NYE and he didn't answer. Moving on. He then asked for a copy of my shifts so he'll know when to call me. I told him about the house and said we were trying to buy somwhere new. He told me we can't afford another house, that everything I was telling him about was too expensive, sided with my mother over a house we've been looking at that needs fixing up and then moved on to tell me he's retiring in December.

So I'm left upset, again, because I've had many conversations over the last few days about how we can/can't afford certain houses, about how we do/don't want to live in certain areas and about how we should/shouldn't buy a house that needs work doing to it. After days of discussion I was feeling quite good about the decisions we'd made. Only for my dad to come along and put me right back at the beginning, doubting myself.

I know I shouldn't let things affect me the way they do, but he's my dad. He has affected me so much that my first serious relationship was with an abusive fool who treated me the way my dad does, and I let him, for a year, until he assaulted me and verbally abused my best friend. Turns out though that like all bullies, when I stood up to him he collapsed in a wibbling heap. Literally. He left me a voicemail of him having a panic attack. About 18 months later one of my best friends, who knew him first, met him on a bus. She told him I was getting married and she was going to be my bridesmaid and he burst into tears there and then.

I still let the mindset get the better of me sometimes. I was talking to a step-cousin last night and he said "You don't give yourself much credit, do you?" I thought about it and knew exactly why. It's because for the first twelve years of my life there was a real person telling me I wasn't up to it, not just a voice in my head. My husband and I have a great relationship, we talk things through and for the most part will eventually come to an agreement. I spent a lot of time when we first got together thinking he was going to leave me, I still have days where I'm convinced it's all going to blow up in my face, and I've started to realised that the majority of the times we fall out it's because I've started a fight pre-emptively to avoid being blamed for something that he wouldn't have blamed me for anyway, or to avoid an argument I start an argument about something else. Now don't get me wrong, he's not perfect, and he has his moments that make me want to kill him with a pillow, but that's a male thing, right? ;)

But while thinking about all this earlier and trying to tell my husband what had been said I had a sharp memory, and one that suddenly eplained to me why I've been so reluctant to just go for the house I want most, ignore the work it needs doing and just make it work, the way other people do. It was something my dad said to me when I was about seven and had broken something. "You don't deserve nice things."

So with that in mind I am making an appointment to view the house tomorrow. And I'm going to budget, and work towards getting our perfect house, because really, what's the worst that can happen? We don't get solid wood floors and a conservatory. So what? We'll get something else. So until the next time, always look on the bright side of life *whistles*

Mortgages...

...are the work of Satan himself! We are currently working on putting together a proposal for our bank that will convince them to give us a mortgage for a new house now that we've accepted an offer on our old one. In theory it should be easy as we want less than they agreed to give us last time, but banks are a law unto themselves, especially in this "financial climate" eurgh, buzzwords, another of Satan's playthings...

The snow is still here, I got stuck in my driveway the other day which was most fun, I ended up getting my neighbour's parents to push me the last foot over the curb, though I did get some satisfaction from being in second gear when they guy said to me, very condescendingly, "Put it in second, it'll be easier." Bwhahahaha...

I've just had a heart to heart with the friend I fell out with a few months ago. Her fiance has been made redundant so she came down to Earth with a bit of a bump, she's doing ok though, and our friendship seems to be back on track, which is great. I do miss her. I told her about us selling the house, which at the moment is a bit of a secret until we get something signed, so we're all happy now. She told me to get on with the sale and have a baby for her to play with!

Now I'm off to watch Heroes and knit a Space Invader pillow. As you do... So instead of a quote tonight you're getting the beep beep beep of the mothership as it pases over head. BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP...

Your wish is my command...

...or something like that. We've sold our house! It was for less than we wanted for it, but not by much, so we're one step closer to growing up! When the sale goes through next month we'll also finally be financially independent from our parents :)

Only a short post, but I'm very excited, and my cousin is here so we're going to have a drink and celebrate :D Until next time, eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may take away your credit card :D

All is well again.

I've spoken to my mum, who had some news about things going on at home, my step-dad's second in command has left them in the lurch by handing in his notice. Epic. But things are fine between mum and I after a bit of a heart to heart so that's good. Just cracked open the wine and am now watching Nurse Jackie to see if it's worth the hype!

I've joined in the colour game on facebook, it's fun, but attracting more female attention than male, which sort of defeats the purpose, but it's amusing all the same, especially now I know what's going on and am not just saying random colours...

I'm uploading a massive backlog of photos to my photobucket, I used to put everything there but got out of the habit so am now trying to get it done to make sure I've got a good backup place. It's also far easier to share than facebook!

My baby cousin is getting the bus over to see me tomorrow! That is if the roads are still in the same state they are now :D Very excited, love her to little pieces and need some girl time, as much as I love my family there was too much testosterone over New Year with my step-dad, uncle, husband and male cousin about... Going to ask her to bring over My Sister's Keeper as she got it for Christmas :)

Now I'm in a better mood I shall elaborate on New Year. I knocked wine over my laptop and dropped my phone in the snow. However, instead of a mass insurance claim I have been blessed with a self-healing laptop screen (it's not perfect but I can see it, no complaints) and a phone that worked once it was dried out and warmed up. Woop! I have, however, had to have my camera replaced after it stopped working due to something stuck in the lense, despite me keeping it in it's case.

We went out one night for Scottish Tapas, which was amazing, and we had winter Pimm's to warm us up after walking up the ski slope that is my aunt and uncle's driveway. I played, and won, Mighty Boosh Top Trumps. We put the champagne in the snow to chill as there was no room in the fridge. We played the After Eight game while drunk and my baby cousin got chocolate smeared all over her face. We watched The Proposal and The Boat That Rocked and my mother loved them both. I showed my cousins the pictures from NYE and one asked me why I had photoshopped white squares over their heads, they were the squares of paper from playing the "Who Am I?" game and he'd forgotten playing it. I got so drunk that I lost an hour from NYE which included dancing to Paolo Nutini and going for a walk in the snow (ooops). The last episode of Gavin & Stacey made me cry like a little girl, and I'm happy that it ended the way it did, but am desperate for them to make more.

So now to think about the year ahead. I have few resolutions, I rarely stick to them, but I have a few wishes.

I wish for our house to be sold.
I wish for my job to become safe, there is a little doubt about the company at the moment, but I am hopeful it can be saved following the figures from the last week, I firmly believe it's the snow causing us problems.
Job secure, I wish to be able to start saving (this relies mainly on the house, so the two reflect each other).
And, should all those wishes, which seem so plausible in the scheme of life, become a reality,
I wish to be either pregnant, or trying to be, by this time next year. This is my greatest wish, and the one that seems the hardest to attain, as it's the only one I've never done before.

I'm going to watch David Tennent and teh RSC in Hamlet now, so until next time, I humbly take my leave of you.

Back to the grind...

...And I'm knackered! Especially after my epic trek home last night. The buses weren't going up the hill past my house so I started walking, a nice stranger picked me up and drove me to another town near where I live and I started walking from there, thinking that since I was now uphill rather than downhill the walk might not be so treacherous. Lies! It took me an hour to walk through the foot and half high snow and ice back to my house by which time I was so cold my feet were burning and my chest felt like I'd been inhaling Egyptian whisky. I eventually got hom and wrapped up warm with a bottle of wine and some hot food to watch the last three episodes of a TV show I've been catching up on.

Today, I've done nothing. I have loads of laundry to do, I need to de-Christmas the house and tidy up after the festive excesses. My husband is away for a few days which is saving my sanity...

New Year was great, absolutley fantastic, it was great to see everyone and get away and it's only slightly marrred by me being so stressed about going back to work that I snapped at everyone on Sunday night. While we were away my husband, step-father and cousin all went skiing for a day and the women sat and watched chick-flicks. Epic :) I drank too much on NYE and am now the subject of having the piss taken out of me but I don't care. My baby cousin was picked up by police on her Christmas night out and they wouldn't let her go until my aunt went to pick her up :)

I'm feeling ok about everything now, I was a bit stressed, one of the girls I work with is still getting to me a bit, and the other temp is creating a bit of atmosphere, though I'm sure not intentionally, and several hints have been dropped about her having to look for another job. And after a solid twelve hours sleep I'm feeling positively chipper! I lost a lot of sleep after getting up at 7am on New Year's Eve to go to work...

I've started my 365 project, so far a few of the pictures are of snow, given that the snow is currently ruling my life, I felt that was appropriate... At my aunt's house getting up the drive was very much a walking expedition as the snow and ice have turned it into a ski slope...

So now I'm off to de-Christmas and tidy my house, return my furniture to where it normally lives and hopefully warm up! Until next time, sleep well, stay indoors and think happy thoughts.