Today...

...I have mainly been thinking. It was a weird day.

First up. The friend who I have been making the effort with, the moaner. She asked me a while back to keep in touch, tell her my news, talk to her if I needed to. So I made the effort to email and send facebook mail and send random texts. And she hasn't always replied. Which made me stop sending them. Yesterday she asked me what my news is. I replied honestly, I said I have no news as nothing is happening up here and I feel isolated being away from everyone. It's things I have told other people so didn't expect the response I got. She started spologising, saying she didn't mean to upset me, that I should call her if I needed to and that she missed me. She thought I shouted at her again basically. So I called her. She didn't answer. Since then instant upload pics have shown me that she's out with our friends. Epic.

Next, while writing a list of my perfect man (random pondering following a conversation about pretty men and who we'd take to our island with a friend) I came up with this: Blonde, glasses wearer, piano player, dry sense of humour, kilt wearer, skinny and knobbly kneed, blonde and with a West Coast of Scotland accent. Then I thought a little more, it turns out my husband meets all those criteria. I should really start appreciating him more. And I will, when he stops dilly-dallying over buying a house :)

On that note, we've booked a viewing for another house. It's in a pre-approved area and meets most of our criteria, and, provided the valuation comes up trumps it's affordable. So, fingers crossed.

I'm feeling very isolated. Very isolated, and yet I still focus more on not upsetting my friends than actually being honest with them. I'm pretty sure I can't hold their hands forever, but it's harder than I thought it would be to be honest with people about how I'm feeling. Admitting I'm not coping upset me more than the fact I'm not coping. Well, maybe that's not true. Maybe it's their reactions...

My isolation is not helped by the fact my husband is booking weekends away as if they're going out of style, and not telling me. I made a joke yesterday about viewing, buying and moving into a house and only telling my husband when it was all over and claiming that due to sleep deprivation and the fact he's never home I'd forgotten I was married...

One of my friends is being somewhat pathetic. Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for obsessing over TV, movies, books or all of the above. But she's taking it to the extreme. This is a fully grown woman, with grown kids, who is obsessed with Twilight, Vampire Diaries and a whole host of similar things. Now yes, my friend and I discuss fictional men as if they're real, in fact we've already agreed who gets who when we move into the fictional world of Anita Blake. But, and it's not just one of my friends who is guilty of this, obsessing over guys who are over 20 years younger than you, played one character and who live in the states and you are NEVER going to meet, is not healthy. Especially when you then start seeking out every awful movie they've ever been in, but couldn't have named them in a line up before the release of a certain movie franchise, at this point you probably need to get a grip.

I bought two Winnie The Pooh beanies, classic Pooh and classic Tigger. Officially they're for my collection. Unofficially, they are the start of my decorating my nursery. I don't even feel stupid doing it.

Dan Brown is still not dragging me in, but I can't bear to leave a book unfinished. There is one exception which I cannot face picking up again. Maybe when I'm pregnant or something, I hear you get pretty bad insomnia...

I've figured out what I need to make me cry. The Time Traveler's Wife. It's out on DVD on Monday, so maybe this will all be sorted. The trailer made me weep earlier so I'm pretty sure it's the answer :) But in the meantime, my sense of humour is returning and most of the time I'm actually quite upbeat. Most of the time.

Until next time, from my playlist of over seventy artists, you can tell me how you just don't fit in, and how you're gonna be something...