My brain aches.

And that's not fun.

First up. I'm feeling somewhat pushed out. In my absence, as was probably inevitable, some of my friends have become closer, and some have drifted apart. The ones who have drifted apart are still treating me as they ever did, with the space between us emphasising their feelings as well as mine. Those who have grown closer are pretty much ignoring me. They have each other now, and I'm being replaced. Possibly not entirely true, but that's how it feels, and other people feel the same way, so I'm not alone in my paranoia. Unfortunately, I am going down to stay with one of the people in question this weekend, who is making a huge fuss of seeing me (yes, it's Her) and I just know things aren't going to be the same. And I don't know what to do about it.

Next, I have been avoiding posting about this on here because I know were it the other way round I would not be popular. But since it came up again tonight, and I'm feeling fragile, I'm going to. My husband is making it clear that he isn't thinking the same time schedule as I am for having a child. Which especially given the last week or so's dreams is killing me. But he's also made it clear that he's feeling a little bit pressured by my keep bringing it up (all I want to know is that we're on the same wavelength, but as it's so much in the forefront of my mind it's hard to not bring it up) so I can't tell him how I feel. The last time it came up he tried to assuage my fears, but then tonight while watching a TV show about giving birth he told me that it was putting him off as the process scared him. So now I don't know what to do.

Next, my favourite colleague has handed in her notice :( We get on well, we're similar and she's very cool. She's the only person at work who doesn't tell me not to have kids, she has fab taste in music, we get on like a house on fire, we make each other laugh, and I'm going to miss her.

I'm cracking through my books atm, my husband is working late a lot to get a wedding present finished and I'm not working many hours this week. I should be packing, but such is life hehehe... Have got my next book club book, I'm planning to actually go this month!

Right, I'm off to hunt down some wallpaper, as my husband has decided we should have wallpaper instead of painting the new house *rolls eyes* Until next time, some friends become enemies, some friends become your family, make the best with what you're given, this ain't dying, this is livin'...