Nearly New Year...

...and I'm getting excited! My parents are *touch wood* flying down tomorrow while I do my last four hour shift of the year then we're driving across the country to see my aunt and her family for Hogmanay! Then I've got three days off to chill with the family before I go back to work. And talking of work, my job has been made permanent! :D Very excited bunny I am, chuffed to little mint balls. I am the cat with the canary, cream and kittens. Epic :D

So, I've painted my nails, sorted my clothes and packed and I'm ready to go. I have a massive spot on my chin, but my skin hates me, so I'm going to ignore it. My makeup is all still under the stairs but I'll get there eventually. My mum called earlier and told me that she'd been sent a shopping list by my aunt. It consisted of whisky, coke and gin. I've even made a cheesecake. Perhaps my family will be more gracious than my in laws. Note my lack of posting about Christmas. There are reasons for that. I shall post the good aspects as best I can.

I got a ring, it's a replacement for the ring my husband bought me for my 18th birthday and I love it. I got a bracelet from my work that I adore. I got a necklace from my cousin (yes, the one who decided I was evil last week, it was clearly posted before she decided I was "an ignorant twat") They all match :) My mum did us a sampler commemorating our wedding. We've been married three and a half years, but it's gorgeous all the same :) My husband and I loved the dinner I cooked.

I'm going to start a 365 project on New Year's Day. I've just set up my account. I tried to start one earlier this year but my camera broke. Hopefully this time round I'll have better luck :) My friend the bunny is doing it as well, so we can chivy each other along!

So, for now I'm going to get some sleep (even though it is only 10pm) in preparation for being up at 7am then celebrating New Year. I haven't been up at 7am on Hogmanay since I was four. I like my sleep! I wont get on again as my aunt doesn't have internet (I know, I know!) So Happy New Year, and I'll see you on the other side.

Twas the night before Christmas...

...and all through the house, the in-laws were sleeping, the hubsand too, and the neighbours are making reindeer footprints in the snow. The wife, meanwhile is torturing herself. Not quite got a great ring to it. But it's the truth noentheless. I cannot stop thinking "What if?" and "When?" I know we're not in a financial position to have children right now but I cannot stop myelf longing for them. And that aches, almost as much as the pain in my knee brought about by the cold weather. But enough of my whining. Noone I can say this to hasn't heard it before.

My mother in law has pushed my husband over the edge and she's now pissing him off as much as me which is epic. It means that next year we wont have this shit as he wont want her around either. Magic. Today at work was pretty good, ended with some wine with my co-workers after closing early which was just delightful. Haven't stopped drinking since and we've made out way through winter Pimm's and mulled wine while making cheesecake for tomorrow, braising red cabbage and finishing the soup for tomorrow's starter :)

We're going to have a white Christmas. Unless some weird miracle comes about in the next 26 minutes then for at least part of Christmas day there will be snow. I haven't seen snow on Christmas for over ten years :)

My mum text me earlier, telling me she loves me and that she can't wait to see me next week. I can't wait to see her either. It's most bizarre not seeing my mum Christmas week and it's starting to upset me. Never mind. We're grown ups now and as I said myself not long ago, you can't have it both ways. Either you assert independence and move out or you live at home.

So for now I'm going to read with Jean-Claude for a while, see in Christmas day alone as everyone is in bed, then get some sleep for tomorrow. I'm also tracking Santa, who is currently over Guinea, so when he passes me I shall wave to him. Then I shall look to next year next week, and in the meantime drink my (not-unsubstantial) weight in wine and try and relax.

Until next time, sweet dreams, safe journeys and I hope you all have a great Christmas.

One glass of wine later...

...and I'm far more relaxed. Today was my last day off before Christmas, and I spent it being annoyed with my husband as he had a snow day. Which is ridiculous, but I like having my day off alone. I'm calm now, after a bath and a glass of white wine. I also did loads of baking today, a chocolate cake in place of a Christmas cake, I marzipanned and iced some Brack (Yorkshire teacake) and made the soup for Christmas dinner.

I'm very sleepy right now, which is undoubtedly due to the huge amount of time I'm spending at work or drinking, we had our Christmas night out on Saturday which was epic. We had loads of fun and a good dance and I even managed to hide how drunk I was from my manager! Win. Only three more days to Christmas though, so no time to be sleepy! I've bought myself some winter Pimm's in for Christmas Eve (well, it's normal Pimm's, I couldn't get Pimm's No3 anywhere so I'm making do) and after work we're having a few drinks, then I'm going to come home to some of that and finish getting ready the Christmas dinner. Epic.

I'm also having very bad thoughts about someone other than my husband. He's a fictional French vampire called Jean-Claude and he makes me somewhat hot under the collar. In my head he's somewhere between Orlando Bloom and Stuart Townsend... He hasn't made his way into my dreams yet but everytime I read one of these books he does. I look forward to it ;) Random moment of the day: When my friend the bunny and I made a deal to not argue over men, she can have the werewolves and I'll have the vampires...

My mentalist cousin started again tonight. Apparently we all treat her "appaulingly". Oh well. She hasn't deleted us all from facebook yet this time. I await it with bated breath *rolls eyes* I'm THIS close to deleting her and having done with it but I am too eager to keep the peace, my other cousins see her a lot, and I don't want to make this any more difficult than it needs to be. Although I've just checked facebook again to find her still spouting off to members of the other side of my family and quoting me out of context to "prove" her point. Excellent. So much for being calm. I know this will blow over, it always does, but I don't want to take this anymore.

Oh well, I'll hide her updates, make my settings as private as I can get them and wait for it all to blow over. What's the point? For now I'm going to watch Russell Howard, finish my wine and go to bed with Jean-Claude *swoons* Then hopefully tomorrow my two younger cousins will get over (the snow's Hellish and they've been stuck, we were for a while but they're a bit more rural than us so the snow plows haven't made it to them yet) and we can relax a bit together. I think I'll go give my husband a hug as well, I was a bit mean to him today. The monkeys in my family tree set me on edge before the day even started, he didn't stand a chance!

Until next time, I'll quote the number nine song in the chart (the number one is a bit heavy for this time of night) and tell you to not stop believin', who knows, one day you might be pleasantly surprised :)

Well I'm back...

Two posts in one day! No the world is not coming to an end, but as promised, I have been thinking about my earlier post. While I was doing that I was baking. I couldn't find my favourite gingerbread recipe though and happened to post on facebook that I'd lost the recipe. Immediately one of my friends posted that she was going to ask for it and that it sucked I couldn't find it. I've since spent an hour trying to recreate it, two failed batches later and I've got a promising looking one in the oven!

It made me think though, about the things I like about myself, as opposed to the things I don't. And in turn the things other people like about me. So. To counteract the maudlin post from this morning I am going to post the good things about me, either that I think or that people have said to me.

My mad baking skillz. Crack brownies and gingerbread do not become of high demand on their own!

My eye for colour and decoration and my creativity. There's an arist inside me dying to get out. I did the headpieces for both mine and my mother's weddings and I am to this day designing toys, headresses, tiaras and decorations. My husband, the eternal scrooge, even commented on how nice the Christmas tree looked this year.

Similarly, my eye for photographs. I'm not a particularly good photographer but every so often I acheive the effect I was after and am extremely proud of myself.

I learn quickly. I can take in immense amounts of information fast and put it to use. My latest job is a testament to this, while I'm still asking questions there is a lot to learn and I usually only ask once.

My eyes. I know I mentioned them before but I feel they deserve a real mention. They are pedominantly brown but have green in them and a dark chocolatey ring around the iris. I have almost amber flecks as well as almost black ones and they almost always have a spark in them as I'm trying to keep my sense of humour in check.

My sense of humour. It's not the same as most peoples, dry does not even cover it, it's drier than the Sahara in summer. But it keeps me amused. I can think dark thoughts to myself and laugh about my ability to keep myself smiling. I have one or two friends who truly appreciate it and I love the inevitable zeitgeist that is a result of us trying to hold a conversation.

The fact I've overcome what threatened to be a serious alcohol problem. I knew I drank too much, everyone else did, and some told me. I spent the majority of mornings with a hangover, missed classes at uni and even went to work in a school hungover at one point. But one day I just stopped. There are undoubtely nights where I overdo it now, but my first reaction to a bad day is no longer to open the wine bottle. I will often have a glass of an evening, but I no longer need it and can go for weeks without drinking and without even missing it.

My taste in music! It is beyond eclectic, meaning I can be in almost any company and happily listen to the music around us. I can also always find something to make me smile :)

My spirit. I'm known for being bubbly, happy, cheerful and relaxed. And despite this morning's post, for the most part I do what I want, when I want to. For example, taking baths in the afternoon. It drives my husband mad, and most people don't understand it, but I do it anyway. Similarly drinking pints, cutting my own hair, having 13 piercings, five tattoos and more books than fit into my living room.

My singing voice. My confidence in that took a knock when I started singing pub kareoke two years ago, but I have spent my life being told I can sing, so I refuse to let one pub load of people tell me I'm bad. I love to sing, and do it often without realising I'm doing it. People at school always commented on it. I hum a lot as well, especially at this time of year :)

I'm smiling again now, so I'll leave it there, go for an afternoon bath and sing along to the TV, Fairytale of New York atm :) Until next time, Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God it's our last...

Contemplating thinking about thinking...

Something one of my best friends said struck a chord with me about a week and a half ago but I've only got round to thinking about it properly over the last two days when I've been off work.

I've always been very inwardly harsh on myself, while portraying a face of confidence and not caring about what people think of me. But I was never aware that I was letting this get out of hand. I do have what I call "The voices" which surface when I am struggling with depression, they tell me I am fat, that my friends are talking about me and don't really like me, that I wont ever amount to anything, that I'll never have children, that I don't do enough around the house, that my husband will see all these things and leave me. But the voices are often quite dormant, leaving me with a few insecurities and niggles, but mainly fine.

On the day that this thing was said I was having a mild anxiety attack that threatened to reduce me to tears in a cafe where I was eating with friends. I was feeling that noone was listening to me, that I was uninteresting and that I was underdressed. These three things built up over the course of a few hours and I eventually took myself off to the toilets, laid my head against the wall to cool off and text my friend to tell her how I was feeling. She text me back "Are you feeling ok? I have to say, you are often very hard on yourself, but you looked gorgeous this morning!"

I started to wonder if I really am too hard on myself. If I look at myself objectionally I know I am overweight, but 99% of the time I don't care. I have always been overweight, I was this weight when I get married and the only time I've been smaller was in 2007 when I lost four stone. I put it all back on in the great will power drought of 2008... But I'm not that stressed. But when it gets me it gets me hard. I love my eyes, I think they're my best asset, and my hair is always getting me compliments. So I'm not ugly.

I dress comfortably and have two looks, comfortable in jeans, Vans or Converse, layered tops and a hoodie, or glam with long black trousers, a pretty top and almost gothic makeup. I know what suits me and I work my assests (boobs, eyes and a waist dspite being overweight) to my best advantage. So I know I'm rarely under or overdressed because I judge the situation and wear one of my two looks, dressing it up or down as I see fit (on this particular occasion I was wearing very similar clothes to my three friends).

I know that people sometimes stop listening to me. I talk a lot. I go into a lot of siatuations willing myself to keep my mouth shut, often I slip up, and so expect it when people don't listen.

But am I too hard on myself? I struggle so much with daily tasks simply because I analyse every single reaction, but to be honest, it had never occured to me that other people didn't. Do other people go through life letting things go so much more eaily than I do that they do not over analyse conversations until they find everything out that they can, do they not worry for days about tiny things? Is this why I suffer so much with my mental health? Because there IS a problem in my psyche? Ironically, I am the first to tell my friends that they're being too hard on themselves. I have talked many friends out of fits and tearful episodes, talked them up, told them to be easier on themselves, but when it comes to myself I can't do it. But I don't tell anyone, so when I tell them to do it they trust me, after all, I'm this confident being who doesn't care what people think...

I don't know the answers yet. I'm struggling even writing the questions down. I'm trying to decide if things really were better when I was slimmer, or if I just think they should have been, trying to decide if I'm too hard on myself, trying to decide if I should stop giving out the confident facade I present every day. I am trying to talk to my friends more about how I'm feeling, the day to day things, and I try to tell my husband, who insists he wants to know, but he's a whole other post for a whole other day.

So, I'm going to go away and think about what I've said, eat some lunch and finish tidying the house for Christmas. Until next time, be good to yourself, eat that extra piece of cake and do whatever makes you feel better.

I must be mad...

Well today is Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday 11th December which means I'm working til half four, getting in the car and being driven back to the big city for a Christmas party with my husband's ex colleagues, starting at eight. We're then spending the night down there with friends and then I'm getting the train back up on Saturday morning to be at work by 12 on Satuday afternoon... I must be mad. But let it never be said I don't make the effort!

Speaking of making the effort, I wrote a long rambly email, to the friend I fell out with, last night in the hopes of making some amends. I guess we'll just have to see how it pans out... I told her how I'm doing and asked about her and her fiance, I'm still feeling some resentment about Saturday night and a lot of people are not replying to me atm so I'm feeling a bit rough around the edges. I knew last weekend would be the last time I saw them all before Christmas, probably until January, but it's still hitting me quite hard.

I'm being reminded on a daily basis that we haven't met anyone except people we work with yet, especially as I wrote the Christmas cards over the last two days. I've got to take them to work with me today to get them posted. I'm doing a late shift as it's late night opening so have plenty of time to get to the post office before work. I've got two to send overseas, not sure if I've missed the posting deadline though... I probably have, but it's the thought that counts!

My mum is here tonight, this calls for pizza and wine and relaxing before tomorrow's epic journey to dinner. Her younger sister will be here as well, my baby cousin's mother, so it should be a good night. They're on their way back from visiting the mafia down South. We're also spending New Year with them and my manky boy cousin (TM) so that's something to look forward to. I am currently envisioning my baby cousin and I getting closer as we're both a little isolated up here, but then again, she's talking about moving away for uni, so maybe not.

So that's me. Melancholy thy name is Ophelia. I'm off now to get into my uniform and get off into town. Until next time, we only part to meet again.

Pictures!

Okie doke, first up, my new necklace and earrings.


This was meant to be a shot of my cleavage taken by one of the lads, but it shows them off quite nicely :D











Next up, my Christmas tree! It's a bit of a funny shade as I was trying to be arty and take pics of the lights flickering but it wasn't happening. However, rest assured that after an hour of playing with light bulbs we finally got a set going that flicker, glow and chase to their hearts' content!











Third, my sparkly red nails! Pic's not brilliant, but you get the idea :D

And we thought confetti got everywhere?!

Yesterday some friends and I went in a giant snowglobe ( http://thegiantsnowglobe.com ). It was truly epic. But now there is snow EVERYWHERE! The snow was actually shredded plastic carrier bags but it got in hair, stuck to hair wax, went down necks (and jeans!) and stuck to anything vaguely woolen. I just put a jumper in the washing machine and a handful of snow fell out of the kangaroo pocket...

The weekend was a roaring success. The birthday girl had a fab time, everyone got on well, my friend from south had fun and there was only minor tension between myself and the friend who had fallen out, despite me getting upset on Saturday night. But apparently I'm supposed to suck it up. Thanks. Still, I am apparently better at it than I thought and managed to enoy the rest of the night after my husband accused me of being unreasonable (other people agreed with me but seriously, I'm over it). He nearly found himself glassed. But I refrained. Get me :P He did stick up for me a few hours later so I suppose I should let him off...

I got a few early Christmas presents, photos, as ever, to follow, I promise a picture post later today when I've collected them all together :)

We're going to buy a Christmas tree tonight! :D I've cleared the space in the living room already and when my husband gets home we're going to head to the shop for one. I would have gone out to the garage to get the Christmas lights and checked them but the smart cookie I'm married to went to work with the garage keys in his pocket *rolls eys* Oh well. We'll just have to keep our fingers crossed... Just watching Love Actually to get in the mood :D I'll take you down, I'll take you down...

I'm absolutely exhausted today though. It's quite strange, I slept for about eleven hours last night (after worrying myself daft about a lost earring, it turned up this morning thankfully) but my get up and go has got up and gone! I've spent most of the day in an arm chair knitting a giraffe. Very surreal sentence... Tempted to blame mother nature and my tendency towards iron deficiency . I think chocolate is clearly the answer. Lots of chocolate... I'm cold as well, which would support my theory...

Right, I'm going to turn the heating up and open my advent calendar :) I'll be back later with pics of everything I've promised photos of so far, plus my Christmas decs :)

Sharing the earwormy goodness!

I gotta feelin', that tonight's gonna be a good night, that tonight's gonna be a great night...

Oh yes, Friday is finally here ladies and gentlemen! I have had to clean my nail polish off as it was knackered beyond all repair after three days at work and an hour of house work (just about done now, need to chuck some stuff in the washing machine but need to wait for my husband's stuff after work so essentially I'm done)

Just watching a little daytime TV (Friends and the Big Bang Theory) then I'm off for a bath, will put my hair up and do my makeup so that I just have to get changed and head to the restaurant when we get there tonight. Then I need to tidy all the presents and gift wrap that are lying around my living room as tonight, in our absence, my mother and aunt are staying in my house on their way to see the rest of the mafia. Most of it's easy enough as two piles are going South with us but there are a few bits and pieces still not wrapped that need loading into the crate in the one corner we have left and a stack of wrapping paper that needs a new home!

Work is good. Everything has improved massively and I was even the first person to get into the lucky dip for a big sale in the run up to Christmas :D I managed to leave my prize in the office when I left yesterday as I was running to catch a bus but the excitement will still be there Monday *rolls eyes*

Right, I'm off to paint my nails, eat something (not sure about the order of those two activities, but both need doing) and pack! Tonight promises to be fabulous, have already had a text asking about my plans for before the meal (too busy!) and I can't wait to see everyone!

Tomorrow is for lunch with friends, then German Market with other friends. Cannot wait! *dances about*

Right, now I'm going before I explode all over the computer screen...

CRASH!

Everyone I've spoken to who took part (which to be fair is only one other person and her sister in law), is in the midst of a post NaNo crash now. It's quite draining trying to write 50000 coherent words in 27 days...

Tonight my baby cousin is saying again. No drinking tonight, I'm working at nine am and it's delivery day. She's revelling in us having internet she can connect to! We're both sitting typing away while watching Mock The Week and I wait for my laundry to finish. After work tomorrow we're going to go shopping for a bit and then to see Paranormal Activity :)

Work was really good today. I feel a lot more positive about it all now that I did the other day, even the staff who were nipping me the other day have backed off, so hopefully that means my baptism by fire is over. My lady should be coming back tomorrow for my first big diamond sale so I'm very excited!

I've wrapped a load of my Christmas presents tonight, some need posting and some need taking away with us this weekend so it made sense. I normall wait until my Christmas tree is up and do them by the light of the fairy lights but we're not putting the tree up until next week which is going to be too late for getting everything sent out as this year, for the first time, we're not going home for Christmas. My in-laws are coming to us (after complaints, guilt trips and rants, seriously, the woman is demented) and my parents are coming down for New Year so we will see everyone, but we will need to send them their things earlier than normal.

I've also got velvety red roses in. Aside from lillies, roses are my favourite flowers, and these ones stand out beautifully from my white walls. I am very pleased with them. Even if I did have to buy them myself...

My nails are painted a Christmassy, sparkly red. Again, now I've figured out the photo uploading system I shall post pics once I've touched them up (my job is tough on nails!) You might also get a pic of my gorgeous new party top! Very much looking forward to this weekend, I'm seeing all the usual suspects but also a friend I saw rarely even when we lived back in the city due to geography and circumstance, and a friend I see once or twice a year who is flying up from the Deep South for the weekend! Extremely excited as we plan to take a trip around the German Market, drink some mulled wine, some German beer and eat crepes and waffles as well as see some other friends and their gorgeous children, celebrate a birthday and chill for a day. It promises to be epic. I have new pyjamas and new bed socks and shorter hair than I've had for a while (dead ends from a bleaching dare in April have resulted in me gettin frustrated and cutting inches off at a time of late) which I think I'm going to dye bright red on Thursday night after work so it's fresh for Friday night, when we are going to a fabulous Mongolian Buffet. It's all very exciting :)

Now I am rambling and I'm very tired, so I'm going to sort my laundry and go to bed.

Until next time, I will mainly be singing Winter Wonderland, now maybe you will too...

It's all over...

nano_09_winner_120x240
Originally uploaded by Ophelia Sulks

,,,and I'm knackered! I just clicked submit on my 50122 word NaNo. I am now unsure what to do with myself, I guess I'll have to talk to my husband again :)

Things with my friend seem to have relaxed, we're going down again this weekend and she's being positive. To be fair she's fucking resilient so I'm sure things will be fine. If not then maybe falling out was the best thing for us.

Work is going really well, I still love it and while there are a few people who are nippy, that's part of life, so we'll be fine. I've got my Christmas present from myself, lovely sparkly things which I shall post later :D

For now, I'm off to lie in a darkened room for a while and relax!

Fed up of being fed up.

Well, as predicted, my feelings of isolation and irritation came to head. Probably not in the healthiest manner, but they came to a head. As I can't actually talk about this to anyone (physically I can't, I have tried, the words don't work) I'm going to attempt to get some of it out here.

One of my friends, who I love dearly, complains an inordinate amount for someone who has got into her first choice uni twice, is engaged to be married and whose fiance can afford to support her while she studies again. She is currently doing a course which I was forced to leave as I was failing. When she was out of uni she was never unemployed for more than a month. She hates the cold and wet weather but she decided to stay here rather than moving back to her Meditteranean homeland after uni. I can normally let all this drop and just bob along happily. However, when she started complaining about her course, brushing over how upset I was about moving and still finding things to complain about it started to grate on me. This woman cannot not complain. If she's hungry then we all have to suffer, even if we're all starving as well. This one is particularly relevant as my husband eats like a horse and people often ignore the fact he's hungry and tell him he can wait.

Yesterday, while discussing plans for a mutual friend's birthday in two weeks time she announced that she had had "The WORST dining experience" at a place we all love. I said "Yeah, but you've had a bad experience everywhere." She then got upset, apparently I say this all the time, everytime she bitches about something (bands she's seen are rarely good in her opinion even if other people liked them) and asked me to list the places she had complained about. I left and locked myself in a bathroom. Unfortunately we were at the cinema at the time and the film was going to be starting to I had to go back, I put my hood up and sat there crying in silence for a while before I started recovring, knowing full well what was coming a tthe end of the movie.

As the credits rolled my husband asked me if I was ok (after asking me to put my hood down and be less aggressive and taking the other girls side earlier on). I said I wasn't looking forward to what was coming. Right enough, just as he was telling me to get over it and apologise and I was shouting at him that I didn't want to apologise, my friend appeared in front of me. She told me that I constantly criticise her and that she knows she's a pain the ass but she feels she can't say anything to me as I'll tell her she's wrong. I tried to get my side out but she kept speaking. When she finished her bit she walked off, leaving me sitting in the dark. My husband walked after her and after a few minutes she came back. By this point I was hysterical, there was nothing I could say. She sat down and asked me if I hate her which made everything worse.

In the end, instead of my cool, calm "You complain an inordinate amount and it makes me feel like shit as you live a charmed life." I blubbered my way round saying that I miss everyone (this is hard for her too apparently) that I haven't coped at all with the move (but you're doing so well, you never told me you're not coping, well, actually I did and that very same night you told me I was doing great) that I didn't hate her but that I couldn't listen to her bitch about the course I so wanted to succeed with and that I was sorry for snapping, but I couldn't help how I felt.

I still think I was easy on her. I told my husband what had been said and he agrees that I was right to apologise, but seems unsure how else to act. He agrees with me about her complaining, lots of people do, but noone ever says anything, so because it was me that snapped first I am now the bad guy. Fabby do. And I don't buy the "It's just as hard for her to have to miss you as it for you to miss her." balls for a minute, I have left EVERYTHING and EVERYONE behind and every Sunday morning I look on facebook and find their photos and chat from the night before and I feel incredibly lost. How is that as hard for her as it for me?

So now I have two weeks until I'm back again, for another birthday. I promised to see her, and I will, but I can't help but wonder how things will change, as they undoubtedly will. The last time something like this happened it eventually got easier between her and the other girl, but they to this day see each other every week. What am I supposed to do? She wants me to talk to her more, tell her how I'm feeling, talk to her if I'm not coping, but I don't know what else I can do. She's extremely blase about stuff like my having suffered with depression, in fact she thought it was extremely weird when I was happy yo be on happy pills, when for me it was a moment of salvation and of seeing a break in the clouds. The truth is, I talk to the few people who has seen that I'm struggling, because they have made the link, they have seen, and they have admitted how they feel. There is a lot for me to say if I'm going to fill her in.

Good times :)

I love my job. I really, really love it . I have had a great few days, been given more hours due to a sale and I'm really, really enjoying it. I've been given training in areas that are usually left for more experiences staff and I've been told that I'm picking things up really quickly. I am a very happy bunny. Then on the way home from work last night two people stopped me in the street and complimented me on my umbrella! :D To be fair, my umbrella is very cool...

I've got my NaNo to 14120. That's about half what I should have at this stage, but it's progressing wonderfully due to my use of Dr Wicked's writeordie. After a while it starts deleting your words if you don't write! Keeps you motivated...

Tonight we're going to see New Moon! I am getting more and more excited about this as the day goes on. I'm also going to see it again tomorrow with my friend the bunny (shhh, don't tell my husband!) Mind you, I saw Twilight about eight times at the cinema (God bless my unlimited cinema card) so maybe it'a a good thing I've moved now, at least for the sake of my husband's sanity, that I can't watch New Moon as many times :) It's also my pal's birthday today so should be a night of drinking, laughing and good company.

I have seen the Coke ad. Twice! I actually text my friend saying "COKE AD!" that is how excited I was :) that means it's officially Christmastime. Very excited. I actually felt a bit like the kid in the ad, running down, desperate to see the parade :)

Now I'm off to paint my nails (bright red in honour of the vampires), finsh clenaing my oven (my one menial task of the day), have a long hot bath and decide what to wear as when my husband gets out of work we're straight in the car and on the road to be at the cinema 250 miles away by 6.30 (it's a long shot, but we're going for it). So, enjoy your weekend and remember "It’s not like you’ll never see me again. I promise I’ll be back again soon—so much you’ll get sick of me."

Tonight I will mostly be...

...drinking with my baby cousin :) When I say baby I mean eighteen year old, I am not corrupting the young! She has decided to come over for a few days to escape the parentals and get some (in her words) shippy shopping done. I am working a few hours tomorrow but she said she can keep herself occupied in town while I'm at work so that's fine. We're also planning a trip to the cinema and will undoubtedly sit and drink stupid amounts of pink wine tonight, family tradition and all that :) Luckily I'm not working til 12 tomorrow :)

This is undoubtedly masking my loneliness and sadness from the beginning of the week and I will therefore have to deal with it later in the month but as I'm currently making my life as full as I can with nights out, weekends away and plans for Christmas (still not seen the Coke ad!) I plan to just keep myself so busy that I don't notice it. We'll see how that pans out...

Yesterday at work brought new discoveries, my manager is a massive Harry Potter fan and our senior staff member and her daughter are Twilight fans. I also spent most of the day cleaning jewellery and arranging displays. Heaven! I love my job! :) I'm back in tomorrow which is delivery day which is also great fun, going through the new pieces, labelling and putting them out. Excellent. My misadventures at the weekend have also made it into the joke stage so all is good :) Being able to laugh at yourself is definitely a good thing in this line of work :)

Right, I am off to get my jeans out of the dryer and go pick up my cousin! Very excited. Oh yes I am :)

End of week one.

So, the new job is still fantastic, and I'm doing well, I got plenty of compliments yesterday about how quickly I had picked up the till and I even sold my first diamond ring! But of course it wouldn't be me without things going wrong. Nothing too severe, just a stupid mistake, but noone got hurt, nothing got broken and noone lost any money. Awesome :) Not bad for my first Saturday! I'm back in tomorrow and working with the manager so hopefully things continue to go well :)

In other news, I've got my NaNoWriMo to over 10000 words, I'm ridiculously far behind but still holding hope. We're going visiting this weekend and I have a two and half hour drive so laptop will be charged!

The visit this coming weekend has highlighted what I was already feeling. I'm really missing my friends. This was our first weekend with noone visiting, and to begin with I was really looking forward to some time with just my husband, and we had a great night last night, pizza, wine and a movie, but I got up today and read all the texts and FB messages and statuses from my friends talking about their night last night and I felt really alone for the first time since moving. I've been close to tears most of the day and am already trying to shake myself out of it in preparation for tomorrow, I've only ever taken my homelife to work once and it resulted in me crying my eyes out on a checkout with my head on a manager's shoulder. Lucky for me it was a manager I knew outside of work and who was extremely understanding. This time I fear I will just have to battle through.

I'm getting stupidly excited about the release of New Moon this weekend. I am in my twenties and don't even have a crush on a character to blame, I am just genuinely excited about seeing the movie. I loved these books when I read them (after being prodded by my friend the bunny) and don't give a flying toss if they were written for teens, children or babies. I liked them, the same way I liked Harry Potter and as such the film adaptations are creating massive amounts of joy and laughter in my life. I have actually dreamed that I have already seen the movie twice this week. Oh yes, I am that much of a geek. Though I'm not sure which is more geekish, dreaming New Moon: The Movie, or getting so excited when I found out the Hogwarts Express passes my aunt's house every day that I had to text my cousin and tell him (he already knew and told me I was sad).

I think our house is finally unpacked! Hubby was left in charge of the last spare room (we only have two, but the other was done by the end of day one and so much stuff has been moved back and forth it feels like we have six) and filing all his stuff before I burned it all. I've just heard him go into the attic, presumably to put the empty boxes up there so we can all breath a sigh of relief and should anyone come to stay who needs wardrobe space, or even space to walk around the room, it will be available to them :)

There have been some unfortunate events this week. A cousin of mine has taken her attention seeking to a whole new level and has posted something on facebook that really should have been kept private. She is now passing out gory details on what is, essentially, a public medium about something that happened over twenty years ago. Not healthy. I am staying far away from this one as I've been dragged in before and it does noone any good.

I keep missing the Christmas Coke ad! I am classing this as an unfortunate event as I'm desperate to get excited about Christmas and can't until this ad has been on (my own rule) yet just about everyone I know saw it last night. Not fair in the slightest! I instead keep getting the Taylor Swift/Band Hero ad, and not even Pete Wentz in his underwear makes it worth getting that song stuck in my head. It did lead to an interesting conversation with my husband though, who asked me when they changed the music in that scene. He seemed unable to comprehend that it was a scene from Risky Business and that it had been used by just about every advertising company and Sit-Com maker at some point, usually with the original piano music that we all know and love, but for this particular advert it just wasn't going to work.

Right, I apparently have to go do some shopping (by myself, bad plan, I almost always come back with books and DVDs, his mistake!) so I'd better get off. Until next time, in the immortal words of Bill S. Preston Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan,

Be excellent to each other, and party on!

And we have lift off!

Our internet has finally been connected at home so I am writing this from the comfort of my living room :)

I've started work now. The place is all my dreams come true, I clearly had the right idea when I was 16 and wanted to work in a jewellers as I absolutely loved my induction yesterday. The systems are a bit difference to what I've used before but it should be fine once I get used to it. The staff all seem fab as well so fingers crossed it all works out.

The weather has taken a turn for cold, there has been frost and fog most mornings recently and the grass has been most decidedly crunchy underfoot.

We've had yet more friends up to visit this weekend four of them descended upon us and we had a complete ball taking in the city, having a few drinks and lighting sparklers in the back garden. I cooked myself into an oblivion and am going to live off fresh pasta from now on :)

To be honest I'm struggling a bit at the moment taking in how much life has changed in the last five weeks. Five weeks ago I was spending my days sitting at home, sending out CVs and being bored. Now I have a job, we're living in another city and while we haven't yet sold our house we've had more viewers than we've had in months over the last two weeks. We're both visibly happier and I'm laughing so much it hurts.

I miss my friends, of course I do, but to be honest I'm barely noticing their absence yet. It's not unsual to go only a week without seeing some of them, and as people have been here every weekend since we moved it's not really hitting home that they're not just down the road anymore. We're going down in two weeks though, for a rugby match and a birthday (which coincides happily with the release of New Moon!) and then again a few weeks later for more birthdays and a visitor from south so we'll all be fine (provided I stop getting off the bus at the wrong place and getting lost!)

My NaNoWriMo project isn't doing very well. I'm massively behind but I reckon I can do it :)

So now i'm off to make myself some dinner (my husband has parent's evening tonight) before settling in with a blanket and a good book for the evening.

Who says we always talk about the weather?

Well it's rotten out there. Most of the country is getting severe weather warnings and half the A roads out there are under a foot of water. Brrr...

I'm once again in a pub using their wifi. I've got hundreds of photos uploading to facebook, finally! I'm also trying to keep up with everything that has come for me in the last week as we still don't have internet at home, we do, however, have a phoneline, which is a start. We should have the net by next Monday, I can last another week!

The good news is, I got myself a job! It's temporary and part time to begin with but they said I could be working full time by Christmas if things work out and there's a chance the job will become permanent in January *dances* Either way it's a step in the right direction!

I've also entered the NaNoWriMo. National Novel Wiriting Month. The aim is to write a 50000 word novel in 30 days. I've only got 1700 so far but there's plenty of time and given that I wrote 15000 over two days on my last novel as the end came upon me I'm confident. It's an idea I've had for a while but wasn't sure would be long enough. As 50000 is technically a novella by most publishers standards this is perfect :)

So, my evil plan for Hallowe'en. We got dressed up and two friends, my husband and I drove the 90 minutes to my aunts house on the West Coast. She lives in a little cottage in the middle of a forest and jokingly said a few months ago that she hoped she didn't get any Trick or Treaters this year after over 20 years spent living in the city. We managed to get all the way to the door (up a very long steep driveway) in the car without them noticing and rang the doorbell. And waited. And waited. Eventually my uncle came to the door, all ready to tell us he had no sweeties for us! Turns out they had been debating opening the door as they didn't want to disappoint any kids, but felt that if someone had come all the way up then they should open the door! So we had a few glasses of wine with my aunt and baby cousin (who's 18) before heading back to our house. All in all, a lovely night :)

One funny story from Saturday nigtht though, my friend and I were the only two dressed up apart from two barmaids at the place we stopped for dinner. We were feeling most conspicuous. As we were driving out to my aunt's house we were driving through some horrific puddles and my husband jokingly said "I hope there weren't any pedestrians there, I didn't see any behind the wall of water, ha ha ha..." Ten minutes later, going through the next village he went through a similar puddle, and noticed two girls dressed as fairies at just the wrong moment. There was nothing he could do and the girls got soaked. Luckily they were late teenagers rather than small kids or I think the guilt might have killed us! They took it in good spirits though and were laughing when we drove away :)

So, that's our news. Other than selling our old house we're settled! I need to change our address on a few things but that's easily done. I start work on Monday morning. Everything is falling into place :)

Coming soon, to an internet cafe near you!

28.10.09
As I write this I am sitting in my new living room. We don’t have the internet yet, due to the phone company being completely useless, after several phonecalls it emerges they HAVE moved us, but they moved us from our old address to our old address. Despite sending us post to the new address confirming the move to the old address. Imbeciles! We should have a new line Monday which means we can organise the net then but for now I’m going to have to take my laptop into town and find somewhere with wifi. We went to a really nice bar that does good coffee when we were looking over house details so I think I’ll give them a try :)

I’ve been collecting job application forms as well. I’ve got two to take in tomorrow as well as a few to do online, we shall keep fingers crossed that one of them gets me something!

Our leaving party was a great success. We had only one minor casualty in a friend who had a few too many red wines, poured one down himself, one on my cream carpet (I have lived in that house for over four years and never managed to spill red wine!) and then got up and wandered out of the house. Luckily the designated driver caught him and took him home, so all was well in the end. We have had to have one of our friends shampoo the carpet for us this week before anyone came to view the house though... The day after the girls went to a friend’s flat to watch The Labyrinth and say good bye which was lovely.

Not had many tears yet, I had a few while playing the new CDs my friends gave me when I left. Instead of the track listing on the CD case they wrote hints for the songs. For example Rob Zombie’s Dragula became “Sex-confused Vampire”, leaving my husband and I guessing most of the way to the new house. I’m missing the m all tonight though, tonight is quiz night in the local and I’m not there. I’ve already had a text from one of the girls saying “You’re late for the quiz, you coming?” which I’m sure she thinks is hilarious but now I just want to lock myself in a room and cry. But I refuse, instead I’m going to take my book in a hot bath.

Not making much progress with my shawl, I’ve had to keep stopping and starting but as the bees have been so popular I’ve made some for a few friends’ children so my needles aren’t still. I’ve also finished my bumblebee scarf which even my husband likes! It’s a good thing really as my Hallowe’en costume is a bumblebee and the scarf is part of it so getting it finished was important!

Speaking of Hallowe’en, I have an evil plan afoot, which I shall reveal if it works out. I was originally meant to be going back to do Hallowe’en with all my friends but due to family changing their plans I couldn’t go. So now I’m getting revenge 

We’re almost unpacked! My husband has spent this evening emptying the spare room of things he doesn’t need in his “study area” so now we can get on with making the beds up and storing everything that needs storing rather than leaving it lying around in boxes. Woop woop! I managed to convince my husband that two eight foot bookcases in the living room was a must and they’re doing me proud so far considering my mum, aunt and I put them together using only a screwdriver and an allan key. There are some more books in one of the spare rooms that I’ll bring down next time I’m at that end of the house but other than that and a few boxes to go in the attic I think we’re set!

So, now I’m going to go for my bath and ignore my text message and continue to let everything wash over me in preparation for job hunting tomorrow. I’d open a bottle of wine but as I’ve been putting the wine away every day since we moved in I think I should give it a rest! Maybe some ice cream instead...

Busy bees and buzzy bees.

Today we packed our house. Everything we own, bar our bed and sheets, kettle and mugs, is now in a removal lorry. They're coming to pick up the bed at 7.30am and then we're driving to the new house. It took about four hours to get everything loaded up so hopefully unloading will be as quick, if not quicker! I'll be occupied with moving in tomorrow at least, I spent today wandering around feeling redundant, an old back problem is aggravating me at the moment so all I could do was sort the laundry and make cups of tea. I've just packed the rest of the glasses and cutlery and I'm going to write this and go to my bed as I've got six hours until I have to be up again.

I'm also knitting bumblebees! The friends that came round to help the other day were very taken by my bees so they're all getting knitted bees before I go away. Which is tomorrow. I've done one so far, I'd even stuff him but unfortunately my needles are all in the moving lorry *rolls eyes* Luckily I know exactly where they are so I can get them out as soon as the crate comes out of the lorry and I can do the sewing on the way back down tomorrow night for the party.

Tonight we were meant to have dinner with some friends but one of them has been diagnosed with the dreaded swine flu. She's absolutely fine, just a bit miserable and wheezy. It led to a few tears when they called to tell us they weren't coming round, I'm getting a bit sad about it all but keeping going. I'm continuing with my plan to make everyone else feel better about the move and refuse to get upset about it until I'm sorted in the new house.

I've burnt myself. Again. I now have three lines on my right hand, from oven shelves and the toastie maker. They're all parallel or perpendicular to each other and are very pretty. I'm not safe to be let out alone! I am extremely clumsy, to the point of idiocy and this seems to be my latest habit. I seem to go through phases, sometimes it'll be bashing into door handles, sometimes dropping things, at the moment it's burning, which hurts more than the time I got glass stuck in my the sole of my foot (which I of course managed twice in the same day, from the same glass, despite having swept and hoovered the floor).

So, tonight is a sad one for me. I'm sitting on my living room floor with my laptop and a glass of water thinking that this time tomorow I imagine our friends will have left and we'll be sleeping in our house for the last time. This wasn't the first place we lived in together but it was the first we bought and we were the first people to ever live in it, now someone else is going to live in it, it'll be their house to make their own. I can't invite my friends round for dinner on the spur of the moment and let them stay if they have a drink, and I can't just nip into town and run the chance of meeting someone I know at the local pub.

So, for now, I shall take my water to bed (and set it on the floor, as my bedside table has gone) and get some sleep so that tomorrow night when I'm saying goodbye I don't fall asleep or collapse into a gibbering drunken wreck. Then I shall look to the future, to the lovely new house we're moving into, even if it is only temporary, to the new job my husband is starting and to the new job opportunities available to me. And who knows, maybe one day I'll make some new friends. And if not, if the worst came to the worst, I have my old ones, the ones who have seen me this far, and they all have spare rooms.

Space llamas that go moo.

While packing my kitchen this morning I discovered an old friend. The space llama that goes moo. He is, of course, a small plastic cow from the ELC. He was bought for me when I was in first year at university by someone who is now one of my best friends, following a drunken conversation in the union (when we should have been in a lecture). He is actually the second as the first went missing during a flat party over five years ago, but we love him all the same. He has lived on top of a cabinet in my kitchen for over four and a half years and is now residing happily in my jeans pocket after a day out (cue me uttering the sentence "Did I put the llama in my pocket?" after dinner)

This afternoon/evening was spent with my friend the bunny (a nickname, not more animals) having lunch, watching two films at the cinema, having dinner and watching another film. Upon telling my husband that we'd seen three films we were greeted with a strange look, but as we both pay for an unlimited card each month and there's no cinema at which it works in the place I'm moving to we're aiming to get as much use as possible out of them before I leave :) We spent the afternoon scaring the living daylights out of strangers, laughing uproariously and talking absolute rubbish. We had a few moments where we had some deep and meaningful chat but it was mainly mindless babble, which is always fun.

I've started knitting my shawl. It's a bit of a variation on the pattern and is more of a stole than a shawl but it's giving me lots of ideas. I've already frogged it once after mixing up a line of garter stitch but it's starting to look like it's meant to, lace knitting is easier than I was expecting :)

All we've got left to pack now are the rest of the plates and pans, some cutlery, my Le Creuset (not fun to pack, very heavy and breakable and I'm clumsy at the best of times, the fact I've packed my wine glasses without breaking any is still amazing me) the TV and games consoles. A few friends are coming round tomorrow night on the promise of beer and dinner to help us order all the boxes for the removal company coming on Thursday. We've got a lot of stuff in the attic and the removal company told us this morning that we need to put all my books into smaller boxes *rolls eyes* Then Thursday they're packing up and we're having dinner and drinks with the last of the people we need to say Goodbye to. Friday we're driving up the road, picking up the keys, signing the lease, unpacking the van, driving back down the road, having a leaving party and celebrating my husband's birthday. Saturday I'm kicking out the lads that are sleeping over, shampooing my carpets then heading over to a mate's flat for a girl's afternoon in watching DVDs and drinking cocktails before we head back up the road on Saturday night. Sunday my mum is coming to stay while my husband goes on a two day trip with his new employer (the whole dept is going so they invited him along) so hopefully she can help me get my kitchen sorted out!

For now though, I'm wide awake *rolls eyes* I have suffered from insomnia for years as a result of a combination of depression, PTSD and my husband's snoring. But I have coping methods, one of which is knitting in front of late night TV, when I see some of the best comedy out there :) I'm currently in a pretty good state of mind (despite being fed up and frustrated over the move) so I'm not too worried and as long as I'm still getting up during the day I know it's not a problem (though I do know someone who is almost completely nocturnal and she seems to get on just fine!) So, I shall get back to my shawl. I forgot to ball the wool so I'm being driven demented by trying to knit with it in the ball I bought it in so I want to get through the first ball quickly!

When passive aggressive facebook statuses just wont cut it.

I've spent a lot of the last few days biting my tongue. There are some things that need to be kept in, my views on parenting and marriage for example. Those aside, I was told by a very close friend that my sarcasm upset her the other day, so much that she was reduced to tears. This threw me for six as she's known me for (ironically) six years, and I've always been extremely dry. My father often describes my jokes as going down like lead balloons. I think that's an understatement. But most of my friends get on with it and we all shuffle along happily. This one is known for being a bit oversensitive, but as she's the same one as I referred to in my previous post I'm done with oversensitive. She's also being not especially sensitive herself recently but that's all by the by. I was genuininely upset by what was said, so I stopped talking, we were eating and then walking anyway. But then I got asked what was wrong. So I clearly can't win.

A few hours later, after coming home and leaving her and two others in the pub, another friend was here. We were all going to a gig together and were meeting at our house as it's closest to the main roads. They were late. And as we get earache everytime we're more than five minutes late for anything (I wont even go into the drama that occurred around a recent film about a certain wizard and his misadventures) I was getting pissed off. Things got on top of me and I broke down in tears when he asked if I was ok, and let everything spill out. Turns out this friend was a bit more in tune with me and had known I was struggling. Which given how many people have told me how well I'm managing the move and the upheaval was something of a relief. It was nice to not have to comfort someone as they were prepared to comfort me.

Don't get me wrong. He's not the first to see through me, two of my friends know exactly how I'm getting on and are being as supportive as they physically can be. It's just nice to know that someone else sees the real me. Later last night I told the original friend that I'm not coping. She once again brushed over the move and said "It'll all be fine." Well of course it will. It has to be. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to panic and stress like all normal people. I'm fed up of being strong for everyone else. I'm also fed up of packing, wrapping, washing, writing and having to say goodbye. Friday night was our last night with the Scouts and while they were getting hyper on cake and fizzy pop I was trying not to cry over the gifts and cards the parents and leaders had organised. We don't do Scouts for gain, we do it to give back to the kids, we do it because we want to, so to be appreciated and to know that we (well, my husband) have made a difference makes everything worth it. And it's easier to be strong for kids, so I didn't mind holding it all in as much, until a leader and a parent came to say goodbye and both had tears in their eyes. We made them go away with more cake and fizzy pop (the tears, not the grownups).

Of course the week has not been without it's good points. The whole reason Friday was upsetting is because they are a great group of kids who we have got to know and who we were made to promise we'd visit. I think there are already plans in the pipeline to find a troop to join in the new place and try to organise joint camps. Scouting is all about friendship and forming links with other groups so this sounds like a perfect excuse to me.

The friends who were visiting with their ten month old son were great to be around. There is something to be said for motherhood mellowing people out. I never really beleived it before! The little boy is just gorgeous and very smiley and nothing quite brightens a day like a smile from a small child. He's also not quite crawling yet either which left me with a little more peace of mind about the boxes and packing materials all over the house. Hopefully next time they visit we'll be in a sensible state of order! I also managed to get a lot of my Christmas shopping done while she was buying most of Mothercare so that's one less thing to worry about :)

I finished my jumper! It's huge and squashy and has a hood big enough to cover my whole head :) I'll take some pictures when I can work out the timer function on my new camera. I decided to finish it off with two glass butterflies on a string to tighten the neck and so far every person who has seen me in it has asked me where I bought it from *proud of herself smiley*

The gig last night was fantastic. The band are always good live and last night was no exception. They're changing direction a bit musically apparently, but it's a good direction so no complaints :) Have to say, I think the best song title ever has just been discovered "A Really Cool Dance Song" 'cos dance songs are cool now *nods* And they played one of my favourite songs, despite it being a slow one, so they get massive credit for that.

Of course I think that the most fun I had all week was buying books and DVDs while my husband meandered around the supermarket. I mean he should really know better than to leave me to my own devices... I came out with five DVDs and two books. Ooops... In my defence one of the books is a Christmas present, and I think one of the DVDs will be too... Maybe...

The Butterfly Effect.

Since announcing the move I have mainly worried about the effect the move and my news is going to have on other people. I have stressed about how my friends would react and I've worried about how they're going to cope. One of my friends even said "Well, we'll be sad to see you go, but we'll all keep in touch, I have Steven's number and they come to the pub every week now anyway, it's not that far away."

Now while I appreciate that people I have introduced will continue to be friends in my absence, the fact that someone was focussing on how their friendships would survive in the same sentence as saying Goodbye to our friendship sucks a bit. Tonight was our last night in the pub. And it was great to see so many of my friends out. The kareoke host made a point of telling people it was my last night and I got to say Goodbye to the bar staff, regulars and some of my friends. But some of my friends left early and are essentially ignoring the move.

I have no problem with people doing whatever they want. And this wasn't our official leaving night, that's next week. But when I burst into tears just after midnight I realised that the remaining four people were the ones who have given me the most support (with one notable exception who couldn't be there tonight). Me. The person who is moving away from all her friends, her house, her life. Because while I appreciate that some of my friends are upset, some aren't and some are focussing on other things (work/uni/recent cinema releases) I am struggling with the fact that I am worrying so much about keeping my friends happy that the fact I am going to be living three hours away from everything I know is slipping by and it's assumed that I want to move. I don't. I never did. But I don't have a job, and I do have a husband. Who I promised to love and to be with for better, for worse and 'til death. Ok, there wasn't a clause in our vows about accepting jobs in faraway lands, but that doesn't mean I get to bail, or that I even want to. I just wish there had been some way to combine my husband being offered a great job with being able to stay near my friends.

So now I'm left to wonder, what happens next? I have absolutely no doubt that some of my friends and I will stay as close as we ever were. We will still speak every day, still fall out over stupid details and still meet on Wednesdays for trips to the cinema when we're all free during the day. We will form stupid groups on facebook, send song lyrics in text messages and share knitting patterns, baking recipes, good wine, the newest ice cream flavour we've discovered and book recommendations. But what of the others? Those who will throw a strop over a throwaway comment that the others would laugh at. Those who cannot accept tardiness or late plans, how will those be affected by someone living three hours away? What about the ones who only stay in touch because we see each other once a week. What of those who stay in friendships only for the self-affirming nature of them, what happens to them when someone cannot converse on a daily basis, waxing lyrical of the benfits and beauty of said friendship?

I do not know any of these answers. But I know that those who do stay in touch will be the ones worth staying in touch with. So I look forward to learning...

We've set a date!

Second time I've said that in my life time! This time is not quite as exciting, nor was it much fun. But it's done now. We are, of course, moving on the least convenient day, but shit happens. We're going a week on Friday, racing the removal company up the road so we can collect the keys and get to the house before they arrive as they charge extortionate fees if we're late *rolls eyes* We are then spending the day unpacking before driving back down the road for our leaving party. We had anticipated moving a few days earlier and having plenty of time. Apparently Fate was in a strange mood today though... We've also already had two offers of people coming to help us settle in and move, so that's taking the edge off the whole thing really. It does mean that tomorow isn't technically our last night in the pub, but we can work around that.

Tonight, meanwhile, we're going to a friend's flat for dinner. I've just written him out my crack brownie recipe as he's been asking for it, and since it's from the Green & Black's cookbook I felt a bit mean not giving him it. I can't help but wonder if he'll ever figure out where I got it from, he has seen the book before now, if not the name, and if he does work it out, how much he's going to punish me... I'm taking Chocolate Krisp Kringles to soften him up :)

As for the jumper, I've finished the sleeves and am now working on a hood. I've decided to essentially make a giant, rounded pillow case and then sew it in creatively :) When that's done I can get started on my shawl which I am just dying to do, I considered the Clapotis pattern that's doing the rounds but I hate with a passion patterns that include dropped stitches as then when I drop one by accident (which I invariably do at least once per item) I have no idea! Maybe next year.

We've got loads more packing done today, our biggest problem at the moment is making sure everything we pack is stored somewhere safe. The friends who are visiting this weekend are bringing their ten month old son and him getting trapped under piles of boxes might put a slight dampner on the weekend...

So, for now, I'm going to decant my Krisp Kringles into a tub to take out and get a few lines of knitting done (100 stitches is a lot!) before we go out. Then I'm going to spend this week making the most of my friends.

My loose end.

So I used this weekend to (quite literally) tie up some loose ends. I worked like a little knitting demon on my jumper and now have a front and back, one complete sleeve and a third of a second sleeve. I'm in a very boring set of blocks of eight atm but once this is over I've got to design a pattern for a hood (agh!) So far, it's looking just exactly how I wanted it, massive, squashy and chunky so hopefully warm enough to see me through winter in a new (more Nothern) city.

We also went to see some friends we haven't seen for a few months, it was one's 30th birthday so after a lovely dinner with some other friends we all went out for cocktails (whiskies in the boys' case) and then danced the night away in a club, on the door of which was my ex-flatmate's ex-boyfriend! Love the random coincidences, we always got on better with him than her anyway so it was nice to catch up :) My husband woke this morning with a head like an angry bear while I slept it all off and then laughed at him. After that we went to see yet another friend, who was auditioning for Just Dance, before dinner and seeing UP with her and her fiance and my father in law. I recommend it. In fact I'm going to see it again this week. We saw it in 3D (my husband is very pleased with the new technology as he can watch 3D now even with his astigmatism) and it was absolutely fantastic. I usually prefer Dreamworks to Disney Pixar when it comes to digital animations but they've excelled themselves with this one.

One more random incidence, and one which has me a little confused. A friend of ours is married. This is not that strange I grant you, what is strange is that his wife has very rarely spoken to me in the years I've known them, including when I saw her after the birth of her son. I accepted it and moved on. I have enough friends. She has some very strange views on life. This I also accept and leave her to it. As she doesn't talk to me it's not an issue, and to be fair, a lot of people I know have strange views on life. Well, a few months ago, on my birthday, she text me to say happy birthday. Very nice of her. She asked me a few questions, asked me what I was up to and then I didn't hear from her again. Two months ago my husband was visiting his parents, who live near them. She asked where I was and said that she would have liked to have seen me as it's been nearly a year now since last we spoke. I thought this was most bizarre but as I didn't hear from her again thought nothing of it. Her and her husband and their son are coming to stay with us this weekend. We weren't sure when they were getting here but as neither of us are working in preparation for the move it wasn't really a problem. Well yesterday she text me. She told me when they're getting here and asked if I want to go shopping with her. I said that sounded good to me, I never get to go on girly shopping trips anymore and her son is a great excuse to go in children's shops and toy stores. Magic. What is strange is that I have offered to take her shopping before now and she's always said no. I tried to help her prepare for her wedding and she ignored everything I said, told me I was wrong about various things and proceeded to dismiss every piece of advice I gave her (oddly, the similarities between my wedding and hers were noticed by a few people, but I shall not bitch). So I am intrigued to see how this week turns out!

As for the move, tomorrow night one of my oldest friends is coming over for dinner and she's going to help me pack photographs, paintings and framed pictures. She doesn't know this yet, but she has offered to help several times, it was only a matter of when I took her up on it :) We're also having our last week in the local pub quiz this Wednesday. This is a ritual for anyone leaving the city so it promises to be a little bit sad that our time has rolled around. Obviously there will be times when we're back but this is our last as residents (my husband has even said he might sing in the kareoke afterwards!). We should also be getting a move-in date on Tuesday so we can organise the removal company and everything that needs transferring over.

So for now I'm going back to my jumper in the hope that I can get my second sleeve finished and start fresh on the hood tomorrow. Once the jumper is finished I am planning to knit a shawl based on this pattern. Can we tell I think I'm going to be cold this winter? :)

Suddenly at a loose end.

This weekend we were meant to be taking our Scouts away for three days. As the week has gone on, however, the local schools have been hit by bugs and disease and we're now down to four Scouts. So we have decided to call off the trip and just have a normal meeting tonight then everyone gets the weekend back. This is all well and good, and everyone is being very understanding, but now I don't know what to do with myself! We'd been counting on being away so have planned meticulously around it right down to my father in law needing spare keys to come down tomorrow night as he's down for a course. Of course now I can go to the cinema/pub/friends' houses or merely lie in and sleep in a warm bed. All are positives. But it also means we're going to miss the last camp with our Troop, which is terribly sad really. But, onwards and upwards.

We've also just had a phonecall from the letting agents (one day I'll tell the story of how we managed to get a house up there at all) to say that my husband's employer have not yet confirmed that they are, in fact, employing him from this month and as they go on holiday for two weeks starting at 5pm today this is somewhat inconvenient as without their confirmation we can't sign our lease, which means we can't move. The fact that this means he wont be there in time to start work appears to have gone over the employer's head. Magic.

On the topic of magic, Hallowe'en is rolling around again. This means that the ignorant and close minded are back on their soap boxes about celebrating Satanic holidays. While I'm not officially Wiccan/Pagan I follow the Wiccan Rede "An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will" (Karma's gonna getcha) and over the last two years have been reading up on the history and rituals of Modern Witchcraft with a mind to "convert" (for want of a better word) as I find myself drawn to the practise and beliefs far more than any other. All this means that when people feel the need to compare Witchcraft (including Harry Potter) and the celebration of Hallowe'en (note, not Samhain, the actual Wiccan festival) to rapists, murderers and child molesters, I get somewhat irritated.

But enough of that. The ignorant are, well, ignorant and therefore should be ignored. On a good note, with Autumn well and truly in the air bonfire night is also coming upon us. And three of my friends have booked travel to visit me in the new city for the weekend of the 6th, 7th and 8th. This serves to make me feel very loved and appreciated :)

Seven days/one week.

In the last seven days we have organised quotes from removal firms (and all I can say is thank all that's good and holy that we're not paying for this, £1000 to move my furniture from one house to another? Really?) We've even started looking for somewhere to live, and are going to view a gorgeous house tomorrow. We haven't sold our house, but again, we can get help from the local authority who have hired my husband to pay the rent on a new house with for a while, so we're not quite destitute yet. Now we just have to pray that the house is suitable, available and they are happy with us moving into it and we can get the paperwork signed imminently so that we can organise a moving day! We've also organised the leaving party (the most important bit!) and told all our friends we're going, to various reponses (ranging between excitement and joy and tears and tantrums)

I've also decided to knit something real, not just bumblebees, soft toys and scarves. I knitted a pair of (very simple) slippers on Sunday and I'm about a third of the way through a huge hoodie, which means that my wrists ache, my back hurts from leaning over it and my eyes are very much crossed. But it's lovely so far :D This is, in case you can't tell, a very effective method of procrastination from actually packing and being useful. Though, to be fair, I have, so far, singlehandedly packed the wedding china, wine glasses, champagne flutes, mugs, serving dishes, egg cups, vases, wine coolers, ornaments, books and DVDs while my husband cleared the office and dismantled the flatpack furniture. We're left with the old crockery and mugs I've had since I went to boarding school age 16. It's like being a student again, which is, at least, fun :)

Once the house is sorted and we can arrange a moving date we need to start cancelling subscriptions, Sky, internet etc and organising mail redirection since you're supposed to give several weeks notice for that (oops). We've also got mobile phone contracts to change (although at least we both use paper-free billing) and banks to argue with (always fun)

For now though, I'm doing what I always do in times of crisis. I've ordered several books from Amazon, I've arranged a lot of nights out with friends (despite having my purse emptied during dinner on Sunday night, luckily there was only £30 in it, I refuse to be jaded by the city given that this is the first time anything like that has happened in the six years I've lived here) and I'm currently most of the way through a bottle of wine and a good movie.

Welcome to the madhouse!

So, Ophelia was driven insane by grief and eventually killed herself following a possible homemade abortion. While I realise that I sound as if I'm trying to be deep and meaningful with this introduction she is a character I have often sympathised with, born in the wrong place, at the wrong time and falling in love with the wrong man, hence the name of this blog. There is also a tongue in cheek reference to the song Cry Ophelia by Adam Cohen, for while I've never tried to kill myself, by throwing myself in a river or otherwise, I've often had strange thoughts and found myself stifled by people's expectations of me, so I merely sulk, rather than weep.

To counteract all this. and make myself less sulky, I read, I write, I sing in a pub on Wednesday nights (strictly kareoke) and I watch as many fantasy movies as I can fit into my life. I knit, I sew, I do counted thread cross stitch, I drink endless cups of coffee and cans of Diet Coke and I search for a job. I drink wine, bake cakes, make crack brownies and gingerbread (containing absolutely no crack, but addictive all the same) sleep with a stuffed rabbit and watch any other movies people recommend to me. I have the aspiration of becoming an author and we'll see how that pans out. For now I'm living on my very understanding husband's salary while I wait for the economy to pick up enough for me to get a minimum wage retail position in which I intend to use my degree in Applied Psychology on a daily basis.

In contrast to Ophelia, I fell in love with the right man. A man who loves me despite my many faults and who may drive me mad with his inability to sit still of an evening but who will be quiet and attentive when he needs to be. I was not born into a noble family. I was born into a strictly middle class working family, my mother is a nurse, my father an engineer and we were always perfectly comfortable and happy thankyouverymuch, until my mother left my father for my step-father, but more of that another day. I have never had an abortion, imaginary, inferred, homemade or otherwise, but long for a family and cannot wait until that day when I get to wave a blue stick in the air and and scream "It's positive!"

I am 24 years old, I have been married for three years and life is about to change, as it did for Ophelia all those years ago, though hopefully not in such a traumatic manner. I aim to see this change through to the end without stopping by the local psychiatric unit. My husband has just accepted a job in another city, which leaves us three weeks and five days to find somewhere to live, get down a deposit, get quotes for and move all our belongings, and sell our house. Obviously we don't expect to sell the house in three weeks (though if anyone is listening, that would be just lovely!) so we're looking for somewhere to rent for now and hoping someone out there is in a good enough mood to let us move in two weeks time. Of course this change would only come about after several friends from faraway lands have made plans to come and stay with us between now and Christmas, but luckily we have very understanding friends.

So, for now, I waver on the brink of insanity, not yet quoting the uses and myths of flowers, but wondering how on earth we're going to manage this move when the last time we moved it took us three months to get the paperwork signed and released. I think the only option is endless optimism. And lots of wine and ice cream. Yes. I think that might be the key...