Long time no see! Again...

I fail at blogging, this I can accept, and guess what? I'm over it. The last two months have been horrendous, between doing a shitload of extra hours at work to make up for the staff turnover and to supplement my wages, the previously mentioned idiotic friends causing trouble and various other things I've been spending my time sleeping, eating, drinking, working and sleeping again.

So, a super quick rundown:

We took a week to go down to Glouscestershire to see my friend Peta and her new boyfriend, and the good news is that Peta finally has someone to spoil her! He's absolutely fantastic and I'm very happy to class him as a friend.

While we were away one of my best friends called me to say that she'd been proposed to. She accepted and her happy fiance are basking in that newly engaged glow (and the ring is gorgeous!)

We took a trip to Alton Towers as well, and got to ride their new ride, well worth it, though I wouldn't queue for an hour for it again...

There has been another death, my friend's granny, which is sort of a blessing as she'd been ill for so long, but always upsetting. Last night we had a brief discussion about some of the Norse Goddesses of family and death, before she deicded that her granny was probably drinking G&T with her granddad and planning a round of golf.

The friend who was ignoring me and my husband decided to come out with a whole bunch of reasons why he wasn't talking to us and now seems to be talking again. It remains to be seen if he'll turn up to the BBQ on Sat. In the meantime he's split up with a girl none of us realised he was seeing, despie this he felt the need to text us all at 2am to tell us of the split *rolls eyes* As I said at one point, prissy drama queen bullshit!

My husband has had a very good summer, between scout camps, training courses and getting praised and recommended for climbing qualifications he's a very happy little bunny. He's back to school on Monday, real life will recommence!

We are now, officially, trying to get pregnant :) We had a few chats about it, and had pretty much decided to start trying at the end of the year, but things change, and we decided not to bother waiting, nothing is going to change between now and then, our credit cards are clear, the house is finished (a post all of it's own!) and that's that :) I am sure that many updates on this will follow :)

The house is finished! The kitchen is sorted, the garden is done all except for the turf, the bedrooms are finished and we can finally chillax! (Chillax is making a comeback btw) There are a few bits we want to do, but none of them are important or causing us problems sleeping hehehe...

I am knitting up a storm, I have finally finished the space invader pillow and am working on a big loose weave shawl atm in wool that came from my aunty's house when they emptied it. Worried I'm going to go blind though from staring at the stitches for so long!

The manager is gone, the under manager and the senior sales took over the role, and we hired another minion, who is leaving us after three weeks! Next new person starts next week... Meanwhile, I will be doing full time hours for the forseeable, good for the bank balance, not so good for the sanity..

Right, I now need to get off and turn on some lights and eat some cake. Until next time, inspired by The Wedding Singer which I may be watching. Again. I heard you on the wireless back in 52...

A quick catch up then.

Well, we had to go to another funeral. Our scout master died from terminal lung cancer. He was in his fifties and leaves behind a 16 year old son and loving wife. i managed to get the time off for the funeral despite having met the man once and was welcomed so entirely into the group that I spent more time than necessary in tears. They played Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life which brought some smiles, and one of the hymns we had for my aunt which brought some tears, and the wake was really good. We all chatted and connected and James, the son, who did beautifully came over and gave me a massive hug and thanked me for coming. As such, I'm going to be a leader as of August :) Even after his death he's still roping people into the job!

The manageress is leaving. She made a few more particularly horrific comments (when I commented that it was hot in the crematorium she told me I should have asked them to turn the fire down). She will finish up a week tomorrow. Fan-fucking-tastic. I cannot wait.

Some of my friends are in trouble. With me. The friend I fell out with a few months ago has really been making the effort, and I appreciate it, I really do. I've been making the effort back. But we're having a BBQ in August, as we always do, round about our wedding anniversary. And I told everyone we were doing it. Then I sent out invites on bookface. It's the only weekend all summer that we're both free and I requested time off for it. So far two friends have said they're coming, one friend who doesn't do bookface has said she's coming, two friends who are teachers have said they might come (this is acceptable as they're starting term on the Monday), one friend who has family stuff going on has said she might come and everyone else has not responded. Well whoop-di-fucking-do. All this I could live with if it were a one off incident, but it's not. One friend in particular, who has been very close for a number of years, with my husband and I (except for when a girl came between us but we all bursh over that and we leave him to it) has started ignoring us. Not just gettting lazy with responding, outright ignoring us. And one of my best friends and her partner who are part of the same group. But not other people from the group. In fact on bookface I can witness entire conversations between him and other people while he ignores me. Epic.

But that's just miserable and boring. For now I shall leave you with the song that Matthew Morrison and Alan Carr sang tonight. I've been waiting for so long, so someone to come along...

Home again.

My mum and step-dad drove me back up the road on the Saturday, seven hours in the car with my step-dad is plenty to make me deserve the drink I poured when we walked in the door... We ordered in Chinese food and watched the Eurovision Song Contest. Oh yes. Eurovision. It's become something of a tradition now, despite the fact I'd rather remove my eyes with cocktail sticks... On my 20th birthday he spent the night downstairs with my ex flatmates while we had a BBQ on the roof.

Work has since passed in a blur of people being nice to me, my manageress swinging between fun loving and chilled to being a complete nightmare (apparently I caused something of a stir by telling them I wouldn't be at work, employees only get one day off for funerals and I dared to take three, and I didn't ask nicely, I announced) whatever, the worst they can do is not pay me for a week.

We had a flying visit from the Princess and her delightful offspring. And I tried. I really tried. But the constant comments about money, my drinking, money, her child, money, my life, money, her house, money, pink and lilac decor, money, her ungratefulness, painkillers, money, how much her husband doesn't help her and money I nearly killed her. She started a stand up argument over the dinner table over Rock Paper Scissors. Fun times. She also announced that she didn't get a real engagement ring (by real she means a traditional solitaire), but she loves her engagement ring Honest. I still have a headache.

My manageress has not yet left as our MD is a complete numbnuts and hasn't chosen a replacement and her new job has not started yet so he's just letting her hang about totally screwing the rest of us up! As such she's in a most bizarre mood, reducing me to tears the first time she saw me in a month before going completely mental and hyperactive with the workmate who thinks it's acceptable to shout and laugh hysterically over farting on the shop floor. Who previously the manageress would have told to stop and be quiet. Epic.

Today my Hot Diamonds arrived :) At work we get money back from some companies sometimes depending on what we've sold, Hot Diamonds this time around so now I have some shiny new bracelet charms :)

For now I think that's it, normal service will resume soon, once my brain makes more sense. There are a few people in my life currently making me want to set fire to their hair, but my friend K is coming to stay this weekend so we're gonna try to set the world to rights over tea and cakes. Until next time, the lives I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate...

A week in Yorkshire.

So Monday morning Ju offered me a lift down the road, she was heading down most of the way anyway. We spent the day in the car and just as we got out to call my mum I dropped my mobile and broke the screen. Fabulous.

I borrowed mum's handset for a few days an to be honest, most of the next week passed in a blur, we drank wine, we watched bad films, we ate food as a family and we designed the orders of service and viking boat burial cards for the funeral. My aunt often said she wanted a boat burial, but that's not really possible in Yorkshire, so instead we wrote cards with messages for her and sent them to the creamtorium with her.

My older cousin, her daughter, was perfectly well behaved, despite her behaviour before Christmas. she read a poem at the funeral and even seems to have buried the hatchet with my mum, though some interesting revelations came out about her previous behaviour...

Another of my cousins had her birthday the night before, so I went out to stay with her, drink wine and watch silly movies. Her cat kept us both company and it was great to have a bit of normality.

We tried our best to stay positive, and none of us were allowed to wear black, so I wore my dress from my birthday pary and a bright pink cardi, along with some flowers in my hair. The service was wonderful. It was poignant, funny and true to her and I held it together right up until the closing music (which unfortunately they played on tonight's Glee leaving me a snotty mess after some more bad news, but that's for anotehr time)

We did consider playing Ding Dong The Witch's Dead but we were overruled...

So that was my week in Yorkshire. Until next time I see trees of green, and red roses too...

Thursday - Sunday

Well, Thursday rolled around and I went for lunch with one of my best friends to celebrate our birthdays. We had desert to die for, and plenty of wine, and sat in the sunshine just talking for hours about nothing in particular. We then went back to Ju's place to die each others' hair, drink more wine, eat cake and chill. Andy made us a cracking curry and we watched rubbish movies. Apparently we also sounded like Macbeth's witches into the early hours :)

Friday Ju and I had a carpet picnic and another friend came round for a while, we chatted and did NOTHING all day and it was amazing, I'd forgotten what seeing normal people was like :) That night my husband arrived and the two of us and Andy went out for a few drinks with some other mutual friends. At this point my husband told me he wouldn't be coming to the funeral which went down like a lead balloon but such is life.

Saturday was the day of the big party. There was some bad feeling when someone I went to high school with reared her ugly head, she shall henceforth be known as bitchface and that's all I have to say on the matter. I refuse to get drawn into her bullshit and my friends and I have agreed on an honesty policy when it comes to her.

The party was a roaring success. We spent the afternoon out in the sunshine in the park having a few drinks, then all went home to change, then we headed out to the joint birthday bash. Ju, Andy my husband and I blew up 100 balloons and had some dinner then we waited, and slowly, our friends began to trickle in. The bunny had done the music so we had a good playlist, and as people turned up the singing, dancing, drinking and fun began. We even got to throw a few people out as we'd booked an area!

I caught up with a load of people, and despite Gemma (the bride from a few weeks back) getting the sunshine/tobacco/food/wine ratio wrong and having to be taken home a fabulous night was had by all. There were no screaming arguments, no one was pushed down the stairs (though it came close a few times) no one was obscenely drunk and it was a genuinely good night. Of course there were a few people missing, my mum, aunt and cousin were meant to be there but obviously couldn't be, but we toasted their absence.

We ended the night in the new favourite club, where I switched to soft drinks and we listened to the kareoke and fnished the night in good spirits.

The next day we took a trip out to the beach and caught the last of the sun before a massive thunder storm came in up the river. Gemma turned up, looking very sheepish but we ingratiated her into the fold, we now have a club, the HW WAGS, named as we;re the wives and girlfriends of the group of lads that went to uni together, as only two of us are married we get higher status, but there are a few others who are hanging in there ;)

I think that's it, tune in next time for the Yorkshire chapter. Until next time, this could be the very minute I know that I'm alive, with a name I've never chosen, I'll take my first steps, as a child of twenty five...

Next!

So, next on my incredible journey was a stop off with friends Andy and Ju who I was to stay with for a few days. I arrived there tired and hot and sweaty and jumped straight in their shower. While dinner was being made I did my makeup and got changed and while Andy was off helping a damsel in distress (a friend of ours had blown a tire on the motorway) Ju and I chatted and relaxed. When she went to get me a drink my phone rang, it was my mother calling me from her mobile, so I took the call in Ju's room.

She was calling to tell me that her older sister, my aunt, had died. She woke up in the night, fell down a step, panicked and an undiagnosed heart condition caused her to have a heart attack. She was with her (grown up) daughter at the time who called the paramedics and held her hand, but there was nothing they could do.

Ju comforted me, and got me tissues, and even waited for me to fix my face before we were due to go out. I was told we didn't need to go out, but I wanted to be around people who loved me and I desperately wanted a drink. My friends were all very understanding, and we even won the quiz! Cue lots of free sweeties for us :)

The rest of the week wasn't tainted by my news, so further, happy posts will follow. But for now, raise a glass to Susan Mary, who would do anything for anybosy, enjoyed life, was always tied up with Kevin Costner and who wanted a Viking Boat Burial. As this is not possible in North Yorkshirre, she didn't get one, but the thought was there. Again, I'll post about that later.

Until next time, where troubles melt like lemon drops, high above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me...

London baby!

There will need to be a few posts to span my absence. This is the first.

London was truly epic. I shall do a diary stylee entry.

London. Monday 17th May 2010. Weather? Hot enough to boil a lobster. Company? The bunny. Plans? WICKED!

We spent some hours on a train, then trekked it up to the hotel where the staff were very polite, which surprised me somewhat as I seem to have terrible luck with hotel staff. We cooled off for a bit, then went out to the shops so I could get something to wear to the theatre (trust me to not bring anything) we found a shopping centre not far away and I came away with a top and a dress for the upcoming birthday party the following weekend.

We grabbed some dinner and cheap cocktails in a local eaterie (Giraffe, I recommend it if you ever find yourself at a loose end in Victoria, it's on the same st as the Apollo Victoria theatre and the staff, atmosphere and food are all excellent). When dinner was done with we took ourselves off to the theatre, browsed the merch stall (The Oz-Dust Ballroom) and bought bracelet charms, programs, lapel pins and a flying monkey (not a real one, but how cool would THAT have been?!) then, to the show.

I can honestly say that other than AC/DC I have never seen anything that spectacular. The costumes were incredible, the dialogue wonderful, the story well-adapted from Gregory Maguire's book and the cast were absolutely amazing. I wont say too much as there are a few surprises along the way, but I will say this. GO SEE IT!

We then headed to a local spoons for a drink and the girl that plays Nessarose came in to meet a friend/boyfriend :) We think it was her, so I'm going to tell myself it was :D

the walk home took us past a little late night shop with a Turkish owner who loved that we were Scottish and talked to us for a while, he was delightful :D

Tuesday 18th May 2010. Weather? Even hotter than yesterday. Plans? Shop til we drop.

And shop we did (and drop at one point). First port of call was Buckingham Palace however, and they put on a parade just for us! :D We got sick of the tourists though and took off for lunch in a greasy spoon. Then we trekked down to..... HARRODS!

Oh yes, and they even let us in. We spent a little while wandering around the makeup counters and both spent exorbitant amounts on things we *need* before heading through to the tack-tastic gift shop for a shopping ba for Bunny's mum. Ironically, bucking the trend, they gave her a carrier ba for her makeup, then another one to put her shopping bag in. The mind boggles... From there we went for coffee and a chillax before attempting to find the Hummingbird Bakery. Cue a few texts to a friend of ours at work who text back "Which one? There are several?" There are two! Don't get your knickers in a twist!

Eventually we found the famous Hummingbird (and an RBS where I could pay in some much needed cheques) only to find that the Hummingbird is closed for refit! There is another but we were dead on our feet so went for more coffee and decided to head up to Selfridges for one more trawl of the beauty counters. There I found my much desired Ophelia lip gloss from Nars and also succumbed to an eye makeup base and eyeshadow duo while Bunny plumped for some MAC :) we then checked out the jewellery hall (including a Tiffany's!) and went for one more coffee before checking out a local scarf/hat vendor (for pashminas, not actual scarves, we were melting at this point) before heading back to the hotel where we discovered....

AIR CONDITIONING! The fact we didn't notice it the night before when we were dying from the heat shows how excited we were about Wicked. A round of cold showers later and ew were once again ready to hit the town. However, instead of that, as we are both creatures of habit, we went back to Giraffe where the staff were still fab, the food stiull excellent and the drinks still cold.

We headed back, once again via the Turkish shopkeeper and then settled in for a chat and to watch naff TV before bed.

The next morning we were up bright and early to travel back to the big smoke, and a few hours into the train ride I had a wee drink while the bunny tried to get some sleep. We got back to the city about tea time, high as kites and happy as drunken monkeys :)

Until next time, something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game...

I have cracked it!

I can wallpaper. Woo and hoo. I have done the majority of downstairs, need to do three more strips on the other side of the stairs and round the doors on the landing, the layout of our house means that the entire landing is taken up by doorframes. That makes our house sound terribly grand, the reality is that it's a tiny, square, landing :) Of course the entire house is squint, curved, lumpy and messy so it's impossible to tell if the wallpaper is right until it dries 12 hours later, but what has dried so far is pretty good, if I do say so myself. Even my husband was impressed *beaming and proud of herself smiley* I promise that many, many photos will follow this post, once we're a little more settled.

I get to see Bunny on SUNDAY! That's three days! :D That means my birthday is in two days. Woop woop! My stack of cards is getting bigger, including a few from family members who insist my middle name begins with A... (I have two middle names, neither of which begin with A)

Short post today, I'm talking to some old friends, thinking of some older ones and smiling, really smiling, for the first time in a while. Until next time, my friends all lie and say, they only want the best wishes for me, three two one, we go live...

Wallpaper....

...sent by the Devil himself. That is all. Last night my husband told me I wouldn't manage it alone, so I'm doing it anyway, somewhat stubborn of me, but that's just me. However, after five hours, I've now got three strips up, one of them is a bit dodgy, it kept creasing, and nothing I could do made it better. So tomorrow I'll take a look at it and if need be I'll take it down and start again. Get me all grown up! It did take me three attempts to get the first strip up, but we'll brush over that :)

I've got my eye test tomorrow, my eyes are currently, as if to prove the point, refusing to focus on anything, which makes typing great fun! We'll see how it goes, this time I actually feel like I need to get my eyes checked, which would suggest there may be a problem with them, which is a very weird thought.

I'm planning to vomit. My ex flatmate has just put up on bookface that it's her first anniversary with her boyfriend, that she loves him and that the next year will be as good as the last. Bleugh. Especially as they got together while he was still with his ex, who he was living with... Anyway, each to their own.

Moving on. It's my birthday in three days! I've got a nice stack of cards waiting for me in the kitchen, and on Sunday I get to see the bunni! :D Then it's Wicked on Monday for which I'm already planning my makeup. I know the bunni is planning an Elphaba inspired look so I'm thinking I might go for Glinda myself :)

I've just found out that an old friend is coming over from Oz for most of August which promises to be truly epic :) He's off to both the old city and the new one, so I'll definitely see him at some point, I feel some singing is in order, possibly not Mr Brightside though, which I love, and he hates, and he used to sulk about me singing when he ran the karaoke :)

Right, now I'm off to bed. I've got a headache and, despite drinking nothing but water and Diet Coke today I feel strangely drunk. Until next time, I'm doin' cartwheels...

Minging rain and hailstones...

...in contrast to the other post hehehe. Things are good up at the farm, the house is taking shape nicely, if slowly. I still don't have a plinth in the kitchen, but the wiring is done and the conservatory/dining room is completely finished, and he's taken the plinths to school to cut them down to size so maybe they'll get done one day, though it wont be today, he's still at school, or tomorrow when he's away with DofE...

We have had the nursery discussion. Properly. None of this dancing round the issue malarky. We've decided to finish the house and are looking to his birthday in October as a marker/waypoint to work towards. Which is both exciting and terrifying, all this time I've been so desperate to have that date to work towards that for him to agree with me is quite scary :)

I've been playing with my Alice palette, lots of fun, and the primer potion is incredible, I showered on Sunday night and there were still traces of my makeup visible on Monday! Yes, I know I should take my makeup off properly, so sue me.

I am supposed to be wallpapering now, well, I decided I was going to, but I can't find the wallpaper paste or brush, so it's not getting done. I'm off Thursday and Friday so I'll get as much as I can done then. Instead I have spent the afternoon slouched on the couch catching up on facebook and emails and getting up occasionally to do the laundry. I have also booked an eyetest, when I was 18 I sustained a head injury which meant I had to get my eyes tested every six months for two years but since then it's slipped somewhat, we've now moved as well so no one will be sending me any reminders. Here's hoping that this isn't the time my eyes have worsened enough from their slight short-sightedness to mean I need glasses as I can't afford them as I'm saving for London. I have alreasy picked frames, just in case :)

This morning three champagne flutes arrived for me, on Saturday, while making dinner, I knocked one of our wedding present flutes over and it promptly shattered everywhere. The company still make them, so to avoid the debacle we had with the mugs, I ordered three so we had two spares! They are apparently dishwasher safe, but they wont fit, and I'm not risking breaking another one!

Right, time for a hot bath, the house is a bit cold today as we generally rely on the heat from the conservatory to keep the downstairs of the house warm and without sun it's not really warmed up today, the heating is on but knowing our luck if we turn it up too much it'll be roasting hot tomorrow! Until next time, you are young, but so am I, and this is wrong, but who am I to judge?

Blue skies and sunshine!

Well, sort of. There are some blue skies out there but they're strangely combined with rain, leaving us all a bit soggy.

The house is taking shape, despite all this, my mother in law turned up and weeded my garden for me which was nice of her. I'm currently on a break from varnishing shelving materials for my library which is going in the nursery, the lounge floor has been laid, and the suite was delivered this morning so we have a living room again! The plinths are on two of the banks of kitchen units and I've been promised that the lounge wiring, final plinth and clearance of the conservatory will be done tonight in preparation for building the dining furniture before one of my best friends and her other half come up on Saturday to spend the night.

The nursery is something of sore point atm, our initial deadline/road marker for trying for a baby was my 25th birthday, which is next week. Obviously that's a bit pie in the sky as we'll still be living in a building site, but we need to talk about it, not me get upset about it, try and bring it up and be platituded off. I've no idea if platituded is a real word, but I'm going to use it anyway. I'm trying to be patient and calm, but my body clock is screaming at me, especially as there seem to be babies and pregnant women everywhere I look recently.

My ex is running for a seat in the city we used to live in in today's election. Most bizarre. Giving him any position of power can not end well... More on that another time when I'm not buzzing.

I've managed to get an Alice palette! Charlie on www.ladyofthelane.com was selling one so I am very excited :D I am a geek, I get it... I'm also stupidly excited about having ordered new cushions to match my new suite. And I have appliance envy again, over a fridge. It's very pretty...

Anyway, I must be back to work otherwise my husband will be home to be greeted with half unpacked boxes in the lounge and a landing full of pieces of timber. Not good. Until next time, I wont tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound...

Long time no see!

Well we realised that getting the houe finished before we moved in was going to be impossible. So we've been living here for four days now in what amounts to a building site. The kitchen is almost finished, the pelmets cornices and plinths are all that's left, even the tiles have been painted! The conservatory is a dumping ground atm, full of boxes, linen, funiture and anything we haven't found a home for. The master bedroom is finished bar the wardrobe doors but we've put them on hold until we have actually got a living room. Atm it's a concrete floor and the walls are full of holes after a gas leak was detected. That's sorted now thank all that's good and holy, but it's pull is well behind. The spare room is functioning as a spare room but there are some boxes still to sort, and the nursery is now full of boxes as well, but we've got all the bookshelves in, they just need filling up.

So, not all bad news, but tired and fed up now. All not helped by the woman who reversed into me in the supermarket carpark, whose other half kept phoning to ask us for the money for the repair, eventually my husband phoned her fiance and pointed out that the accident was a 50/50 responsiblity. He asked what we meant. Turns out she lied and said she was parked and I hit her! My husband pointed out that to have sustained the damage to our car while I was moving I would have had to be driving sideways and we haven't heard from them since, despite us offering to meet them so he could inspect our car... Silly cow...

It's my birthday in a few weeks, which means London baby! Very excited, my friend the bunny has been planning some activities for us I think and we're both bouncing about seeing Wicked. Good times :)

The wedding was beautiful. The bride was gorgeous and the whole day was fab. True there were some screw ups, like the caterer and DJ being two hours late, but other than that the day went off without a hitch. There was some upset after I got upset when the groom blew me off when I bought him a drink but my friends rallied around me and hugged me and wiped away my tears after I explained that I've been feeling isolated and lonely and missing people and he jus tipped me over the edge. In my defence I had spent all of Friday fighting back tears and while on the train down had actually started crying over it all, I blamed my book, The Lovely Bones is depressing enough for me to get away with it. So some upset, but I wasn't alone, the other long term girlfriend of our little group was also found in tears in the toilets later that night by my best friend, in fact Nic was the only wife/girlfriend of the group not to cry after the bride was upset over the caterer!

As a result of the whole bursting into tears at the drop of a hat thing I'm back on the herbal happy pills and sleeping aids as I need to keep my strong face on.

For now, I'm off to unpack some books and try to clear some boxes from one of the two spare rooms. Until next time, I've got nothing against you, and surely I'll miss you...

I need some sleep!

In the last two weeks we have not stopped. At all. we got our house keys on Monday, then spent the afternoon making a list of what needed doing upon the discovery that the whole kitchen would need ripping out and the garage door doesn't work.

But. We're now getting there. In ten days we have ripped out and refitted the kitchen (all except for one worktop which was lost until this morning, it's currently sitting in my conservatory ready to be fitted next week) painted the conservatory, master bedroom, nursery and kitchen, papered the living room, stripped the hall and spare bedroom, floored the loft, plumbed in the dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer, bought the flooring for the lounge and the paper for the hall and light fittings for the kitchen and got the first load of boxes moved. We've have my aunt and two of my cousins over twice who have been invaluable.

we still need to put on kitchen cabinet doors, fit a door to the pantry and the wardrobe in the master bedroom, fit the floor in the lounge, paper the hall, paint the spare room, shampoo the carpets and do SOMETHING with the garage door, but we're getting there. My husband is back to work on Monday but my parents and his father are coming down next week and my aunt is going to come back over so I think we can do it :)

The smallest bedroom is now known as the nursery following a flyaway comment from me on day 1 and it's being taken in good humour actually. Win!

In other news, we've been to A&E once, while cutting loft flooring the other half slipped with a saw and cut his arm open. No stitches and it's healing nicely but there was an awful lot of blood. Luckily my nurturing instinct kicked in before my panic one!

Last night was the leaving night for my ex-colleague. A great night was had by all but myself and the 25 year old were both very rough this morning in work after a little over indulgence. Beteen us three we drank five bottles of wine, several pints, a few vodkas and Christ only knows what else. Bleugh... Home alone tonight so I've got Henna in my hair and am chilling. I had planned to have a glass of wine but I just can't face it so I'm saving myself for tomorrow when I see my best friend again :)

Wedding on Sat is looking like it's going to be good. Other half's already down there helping out and I've been given tomorrow afternoon off so am going to be there for tea :D

I've bought myself some cake stands, I've got two white porcelain high tea stands and one glass cake plate, all of which make me very excited :)

Now I'm off in the bath to shave my legs and wash the Henna out of my hair. Until next time, inspired by my workmates' kareoke last night, it's got to be-ee-eee, perfect...

How very exciting! :D

Well, a phonecall to our solicitor this morning confirmed that everything is in place for us to pick up the keys to our new house on Monday! :D

We've now also got a dining table set and I'm about to trawl Amazon for my moving in present for myself, promised since the day we decided to sell our old house, a cake stand for high tea :D I'm now even more determined that I need one given my urge to hold a tea party a la Alice. We will get in on Monday to check the kitchen and get the rest of the cabinets and appliances ordered and then the first van load of stuff is going next Friday when we've got a friend coming up for the weekend. Before that though my aunt and baby cousin are coming over to help us decorate, shop, make cups of tea and move. Love it!

I'm having the whole baby issue again, but I'm pretty sure that's due to my body doing weird things and screwing up my carefully ignored hormone balance. I'm not upset by it all, just a little frustrated, so we wont worry too much about it :)

On Sunday last week a friend of mine from days of old (ie a forum for wedding planner from when I was planning my wedding four and a bit years ago) told me she'd be in town for a night, so we went and met them for dinner and a drink and then we all sat and chatted for hours, the menfolk played poker and she and I drank wine and chatted. It was fabulous. A great night out.

New Moon Monday was also awesome. We made six hundred thousand cupcakes (some of which I still have, but I don't think I can eat any more...) I now have my two matching Edward DVD cases sitting under the TV *swoon* I'm so Team Edward, I don't care what people have to say about Jake, he was never right for Bella. I refuse to get drawn into this as my consternations about Twilight, Anita Blake and Merry Gentry are well known amongst those who care to discuss them with me :)

I've technically started my new deployment at work, but after making the decision to tell my mangeress I felt more comfortable being given jobs than seeking them out after a few run ins with my supervisor she is now riding me like a fat kid rides the escalator to the cake shop. I apologise for the very un-PC analogy (actually, I don't, I've said worse than that before) but it's been a weird day.

For now, I am off to finish my wine, watch the rest of 28 Days Later (yesterday it was Armageddon, at least I've progressed from fucking depressing) and sort out my most recent 365 pics as I keeo forgetting to upload them! Until next time, now we're older, and much more sober, and have some big house payments to make...

What a week!

Well. Since last time I have been back to the city, had what I knew to be true about my old fiend confirmed, listened to a full, in depth discussion of someone else's love life, sung in a pub, danced til I ached, watched Alice in Wonderland, had my makeup done, taken camp photos, drunk wine, been to a wedding, laughed til I cried, made jokes even teenagers would have been ashamed of, bought a suite, bought a dishwasher, confirmed on the house, bought a washing machine and dryer, painted my nails repetedly, calmed down, slept for thirteen hours in one day, eaten one of the best meals of my life, cried until my face ached, had very naughty dreams about certain vampires, had dinner with two fabulous friends, got my last Christmas present and trawled every shop in town that sell DIY supplies, furniture or appliances.

So, where to begin. With Alice I think. Fabulous, absolutely loved it, there were only three other people in the screening and my friend the bunny was one of them. As the only bad review I've heard of it so far was from she who moans a lot I was pretty convinced I'd like it but I loved it! The girls and I are now planning a tea party for my housewarming :) Love it...

On the same day, I received my EPIC necklace, just to upset the friend who hates the term. The bunny and I wore them to the pub where we were informed we are "Not big, and not clever." Well, we thought we were... While there I sang in the kareoke and was told I was the best singer all night and it was good to have me back. While I may not agree I was the best singer it was great to be back :) The bunny also did my makeup with her Urban Decay Alice in Wonderland pallet, which I now *need*...

We completed on the house! We get the keys a week on Monday and I'm very, very excited :) We have also bought a suite, we decided to have a look last Monday while we were back in the city and found one that I loved but my husband was unsure about. However, seeing it and not hating it meant that when we saw the black suite today in a new shop up here he gave it a chance and fell in love with it :) It's black with white patterns on it so we're attempting now to find wall paper :) We've also bought a washing machine and dryer and a shiny shiny black dishwaher.

The wedding was beautiful, there were literally 50 people there and it was absolutely fabulous. We laughed and danced and sang and ate, drank, chatted and met new people. It was wonderful. The bride was beautiful, the groom dashing (if nervous) and despite my husband getting called in for technical support (fastening the laces on the men's brogues as he's the only kilt owner in the group) the whole day went off without a hitch :) The flowers were all shades of red, pink and purple and it was a delight. The band were incredible as well, if I do it again, I'm hiring them!

As for my old friend, I made sure to have several evenings free for her as she constantly complains we never spend any time together. On the first she called other people to spend time with us. On the second, she did the same. On the third, she sat and did crossword puzzles all night, on the fourth, I gave in and went out for dinner (I checked it was ok with her first) and then she still complained that we didn't get to spend enough time together. She also complained about at least fifteen places and the words "I had the worst experience there" came out of her mouth on three seperate occasions. Which made my irony and unfair sensors scream but I bit my tongue and smiled. She then bitched at me for not telling her I'm back in the city in three weeks for another wedding. I didn't tell her because we'll be down for a grand total of 40 hours and she will be in Ireland... Oh well. Such is life. I give up. I can't hold her hand forever.

However, despite all this I'm reasonably upbeat. The other stuff in my life, including how close some of my friends and I are growing due to the distance seems more important recently, even more so than going back to work, which I'm half excited about and half dreading...

For now, I am going to get very excited about my new furniture and moving into my new house, get lots of sleep, drink some wine and look forward to Monday, when New Moon in released and the bunny is coming up to stay for a release party, just like we did for Twilight. This means cupcakes, watching the movie and any special features we desire and a werewolf playlist. Epic. On a stick.

Until next time, arm yourself because no one else here will save you...

And then I'll say something stupid...

...like "The reason I'm upset is I'm feeling insecure about our "plans" to have a family."

Yeah. That'll go down well... I don't want to have this fight but not telling him how I feel isn't healthy. All I tried to explain to him was how much it hurt to not talk about it when I want it so much. He's working late tonight, so we'll see how much of a mood he's in when he gets home.

Meantime, I've to do a viewing for people who want to rent the house when we move out. Epic. Please, come into my house, it's full of boxes and packing materials...

My manageress called me into her office yesterday. She wanted to talk to me about changes in me since I was made permanent. She felt I wasn't putting in the effort anymore. I tried to explain that I don't really understand my role. Then she offered me the position as watch dept. I'm getting my own dept. I will answer to nobody but the mangeress and even then it'll be minimum input. I should be ecstatic. But it falls somewhat flat given the fact she started the meeting with "Things need to change". I'm sure I'll feel better about it later, but for now I'm just trying to get my head around it. I've got one more four hour shift, on Saturday, then I've got a week off, which we both agreed I need.

Now I'm going for a bath. I've cleared the lounge, washed the dishes, tidied the kitchen and now I need to make me presentable. And possibly go to the shop for something simple for dinner. Until next time, and then I'll go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid...

My brain aches.

And that's not fun.

First up. I'm feeling somewhat pushed out. In my absence, as was probably inevitable, some of my friends have become closer, and some have drifted apart. The ones who have drifted apart are still treating me as they ever did, with the space between us emphasising their feelings as well as mine. Those who have grown closer are pretty much ignoring me. They have each other now, and I'm being replaced. Possibly not entirely true, but that's how it feels, and other people feel the same way, so I'm not alone in my paranoia. Unfortunately, I am going down to stay with one of the people in question this weekend, who is making a huge fuss of seeing me (yes, it's Her) and I just know things aren't going to be the same. And I don't know what to do about it.

Next, I have been avoiding posting about this on here because I know were it the other way round I would not be popular. But since it came up again tonight, and I'm feeling fragile, I'm going to. My husband is making it clear that he isn't thinking the same time schedule as I am for having a child. Which especially given the last week or so's dreams is killing me. But he's also made it clear that he's feeling a little bit pressured by my keep bringing it up (all I want to know is that we're on the same wavelength, but as it's so much in the forefront of my mind it's hard to not bring it up) so I can't tell him how I feel. The last time it came up he tried to assuage my fears, but then tonight while watching a TV show about giving birth he told me that it was putting him off as the process scared him. So now I don't know what to do.

Next, my favourite colleague has handed in her notice :( We get on well, we're similar and she's very cool. She's the only person at work who doesn't tell me not to have kids, she has fab taste in music, we get on like a house on fire, we make each other laugh, and I'm going to miss her.

I'm cracking through my books atm, my husband is working late a lot to get a wedding present finished and I'm not working many hours this week. I should be packing, but such is life hehehe... Have got my next book club book, I'm planning to actually go this month!

Right, I'm off to hunt down some wallpaper, as my husband has decided we should have wallpaper instead of painting the new house *rolls eyes* Until next time, some friends become enemies, some friends become your family, make the best with what you're given, this ain't dying, this is livin'...

Taking a break...

...HA! I say I am taking a break from packing, truth is I haven't even started yet. Well, I've been out to the garage to get the boxes, brought some in, killed a spider and taped the first box together. Now I'm procrastinating and glaring at the box. I hate packing. I hate it! I hate moving full stop. But I am consoling myself with the thought that unless something changes drastically in the next few years this is the last time I will be moving for a very long time.

The dreams are back, last night I was telling people about the baby. I suppose it was only a matter of time before my desires made their way into my dreams. Just wish I didn't have to keep waking up from them.

I'm wavering on the edge of going back on weight Watchers, I'm getting to the point that made me do it last time, but with my head being a mess I tend to find myself reaching for chocolate rather than staying on the wagon. I know that as soon as I start I'll be able to stick to it, but the first week is always the hardest. I have a wedding in five weeks that will involve seeing a lot of people I went to uni with and having lots of pictures taken, so I'm going to try and make today my last day of gluttony.

Right, back to the packing I suppose. My books will not pack themselves into boxes *sob*. Until next time, answer me this. What, exactly, is the function of a rubber duck?

An update.

I have been shamlessly neglecting the blogosphere of late. I could blame many things, the house buying, the fact my nana has fallen and broken her hip, the fact I've been having horrific dreams, but I wont. I will instead use this blog to it's full potential and talk about them.

The house is progressing. The money is in place, the paperwork is ready to go, we're just waiting for the legal teams to draw up contracts. Epic :) We should have the keys by the end of the month, very exciting! Off furniture shopping next week for a new suite, kitchen and dining furniture :D

My nana slipped in her kitchen the other day while making breakfast. Now my nana has a panic button, on a string, that she is supposed to carry with her following a fall down the stairs a few years ago. She doesn't. So she had to out into the hallway and shout for help. As she now lives in sheltered accommodation, after the fall down the stairs, someone heard her and called an ambulance. It turns out she has broken her hip in three places and has since had an operation under spinal block to place three screws and a pin in her hip and thigh. She'll be in a hospital for a while, then in a rehab centre until she is allowed back into the wild. Which will drive her mad as she hates being looked after, but maybe that'll teach her to carry her panic button... She'll be fine. She always is. She's a tough old bird!

My dreams... Yeah... For the last week my dreams have followed a story in my life. They started with my husband and I having a conversation about deciding to have a baby and going off to start trying. By Thursday I was pregnant, had taken a test and I even remember the conversation with my doctor about a referral to a midwife. And every morning I wake up and my heart breaks, because it wasn't real.

Enough of the maudlin. I am going to refill my wineglass and continue to laugh with my two best friends (one is on MSN, one is texting me) and just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

*tentative celebrations*

We found a house. We put an offer in. It was accepted subject to contracts. We got the finance. We got all the paperwork in order. We are now waiting for the current owner to sign the official acceptance. We are keeping absolutely everything crossed for the next few days until the acceptance comes back signed (it went out today).

Scary, scary biscuits. Or as my friend the bunny said, freaky toast :) Life as normal can now resume. Well, with the exception that I have 27 days to pack up and move. Again. Seriously. We now get to do the fun bit of buying new furniture though :)

We've finally got the two wedding invitations for this year through, one is in two weeks, another in six and I've even managed to find a dress I already had to wear to the first. Very exciting stuff. I love weddings, and since one is an Irish affair and the other has a strong Nigerian presence I feel these two will be even more special than normal :)

This week at work promises to be fun. My manageress is on holiday so it's just the other girls and me. Fabby :) Then I've got one week in then a whole week's holiday! :D

The old friend of mine and I are working on it. Well. I am. I am trying very hard. And after the first wedding things should be better, I've promised her some one on one time and tea and cakes so we shall see.

I have an urge to watch Top Gun. It's bizarre. But then again every so often I have urges to watch films like that, Gone in 60 Seconds is one of my favourite films and one day my husband came home to find me watching it and nearly had a stroke. Unfortunately we don't own Top Gun...

I haven't been to book club yet, I was meant to start last week but the weather was so bad we had to go South early to make sure we could hand over the keys to our old house on time. Wish we hadn't bothered to be honest given the fact that at 7.30pm on the day of the sale the new owner called us to ask where all the furniture was. Um...

The London trip is all planned and the bunny has the train and theatre tickets in her possession. Very, very fecking excited :D 76 days to go to London Baby!

So, marathon post over, I'm off to bed. I'm working early tomorrow. Until next time, I'm going to try, defying gravity, and you can't pull me down...

Not to be.

The house has fallen through. The strange living situation is causing problems, I shall explain. The house was bought by a married couple with two teenage daughters. They then split up but he continued to live there. She then met someone else who moved in with his teenage son, and now they all live there, although the children are all away at university. The woman and her new partner are moving away for work in two months.

It was the woman who did our viewing, and told us that the price was flexible due to some damage from the storms last year to the garage. We called to put in our offer, and she suddenly started backtracking before giving us her ex husband's mobile number and telling us to talk to him. So we called him. He didn't know we had been to see the house, said the price was non-negotiable, despite the damage to the garage, and doesn't seem to want to move at all. So we decided to cancel the survey and back away from the crazy people.

I'm a bit gutted, I could see us living there, it was a beautiful house, and it was pretty perfect. But, onwards and upwards! We've got another house to see tonight (one with massive potential for me getting a whole new kitchen at that!) This is house number eleven, so here's hoping that eleven is the magic number :)

So, a slightly maudlin end to this post, thanks to this week's Glee, keep holdin' on, because we'll make it through...

Could it be?

Has Hell frozen over? Did pigs learn to fly? We've found a house! We're going to put in an offer tomorrow (subject to the survey coming back) scary ass biscuits! Not going to say anything else as I don't want to jinx it...

My husband has signed up for facebok, despite regular claims that social networking sites are the work of the devil. He did it all on his own and even added some of our friends. He has also checked it regularly since signing up. One can only wonder how long this will last :)

I've started my book club book, and it's a little odd, but very funny when you get into it :)

Drama has erupted, on a forum I use online. Someone on there is known for being opinionated and thinking her way is the only way. Well she's taken it to whole new levels and is now ctually lying outright about things that have been said to her despite the fact that by it's very nature we can search through old posts and prove her wrong. So I'm taking a break from it for a while. A few friends have "flounced" after not having their opinions taken seriously and a few more have declined to comment at all, so we'll see what happens. I'm done. I can't listen to how I'm wrong for another minute. This would be the same person who told myself and the pagan community we were Satan-worshippers back in October. Loves it.

Work is better recently. I know it's only been a week or so but everyone seems to have loosened up. Today we played badminton on the floor! Obviously our manageress wasn't in today... And I doubt it'll ever come out, but it was a fab bonding experience for myself, my supervisor and the under-manager :)

Lost is just not getting any better. What the flying fuck is going on?! They reckon we're getting answers by the end of this season, well they've got a lot of ground to cover by then...

For now, given that I'm watching the Brit awards and have insomnia, I don't wanna rock, DJ, but you're keeping me up all night...

Work sucks, I know...

...but noone left me roses. And actually work isn't that bad if I don't listen to the new game we like to play called "Bitch at Ophelia for everything that is wrong, even if she hasn't been near the cabinet in question for months" Not a very snappy name, but it sums up the game pretty well.

The househunt has ground to a halt. We decided to put an offer in on the house we saw weeks ago that I loved, but we phoned to talk money and the owner changed his mind and took the property off the market *bangs head against heavy things* But, there's another house gone up that we're going to try and view before the end of this week, so fingers crossed. I am also being listened to now, after our financial advisor told my husband to take his head out of hs ass about finding an area we are happy with. Epic. My mother in law is now getting involved again, as I knew she would, and actually phoned last night to tell us which houses to look at. Fun times at Ryder High. However, my momma's boy husband told her to wind her neck in so things are looking up :) On that note, my phone just rung and we've got an appt to view the house tonight! :D Very exciting :D

I'm joining a book club :D I had a minor meltdown the other night and told my husband I'm incredibly lonely in this city. He told me to find something to do then, somewhere to meet people. I realised that all my hobbies are very solitary, reading, knitting, cross-stitch, photography. He randomly suggested a book club, and I don't know why I never thought of it before! I get to read, buy new books and meet new people, who like to buy and read books! The first book is "The Elegance of the Hedgehog" so I look forward to reading it :D I spoke to a friend who said when her sister in law emigrated she met most of the people she knows this way, so hopefully this is the start of my new start :D

I left my computer signed in the other day and my husband was using Google. It led to this conversation which made myself and a friend laugh.

"What's Off-eel-ya sulks?"
It's my Google account.
"What's it mean?
Well, Ophelia is a character from Hamlet, who cries a lot, it's a joke.
"Oh."

The man has no culture! I think we may have to change this... Until next time, say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home...

Rant rant rant rant rant...

That is apparently all I'm capable of recently. My latest annoyance is an acquaintance who has three healthy sons but who is trying for another baby because she is that deperate for a girl. She has admitted more than once to being disappointed when she found out the last one was a boy, which I find more than a little sad, and now she's actually using ovulation kits to plan when to try to conceive to make her chances of having a girl better. This depite the fact she has conceived her three sons naturally, two of them the first month she was trying, and has carried all her pregnancies to term with no problems.

Everything smells burnt today. When I was 18 I was in a car accident and sustained a head injury, as a result I developed anosmia. Recently though, well, for the last year or so, things have been coming back to me. Some days everything's really clear, it's easy to tell what smells are and I can enjoy things like coffee and flowers properly. Other days everything takes on a random characteristic, like smelling burnt, or smelling like wet dog (that week was fun) or just not smelling at all. Today is a burnt day. I woke up and my sheets smelled like smoke so I got out of bed and came downstairs. The kitchen smells like smoke, the half bar of chocolate on the couch arm from me watching a movie last night smells like it's been burnt and the jumper I put on smells burnt as well. I know I should be thankful my sense of smell came back at all, but being convinced things are burning is not a fun experience...

Last night I watched The Notebook and The Time Traveler's Wife and cried my eyes out, finally! Today I feel loads better, if a little hungover (I also drank two bottles of wine) but I've drunk a litre of water so far and made sure to eat before I went to sleep (not good for the diet but will keep me healthy) so once I've had a bath and a nice fry up I think I'll be a bit closer to my usual sunny self :)

I also, for the first time in my life, put some money into a savings account! It's not very much, and it'll be coming right back out to pay for a theatre trip to London in May, but I did it, and it was money I had earned myself as well. Very big moment for Ophelia :D

And oh yes, big theatre trip. My friend and I have said for years that one day we'd go to London. It was a running joke, we'd finish everything off with "...on the way to London." Conversations went something like this: "Are we meeting for lunch this week?" Yeah, let's do lunch on the way to London. "We should buy that new book/CD/DVD/nail polish." We can get them on the way to London. "Can you pass me a coke?" Sure, I'll do it on the way to London. And I think we both secretly thought that it would never happen, but it was a great thought and it stuck. For seven years. Well last night we were chatting and she started looking up theatre deals to go see Legally Blonde the musical (yes I know!) and Wicked, which we've both wanted to see for years. And they weren't that expensive, so we stopped joking and started thinking seriously, as it's my 25th birthday in May we thought this would be a great excuse to go, especially as I've got a week booked off work. And it's in LONDON! So once May is over we will actually be able to talk about the things we did on the way to London :D This is going to get more annoying than Joey in Friends. London baby! :D

So not so ranty anymore apparently. Looks like having good friends and something to look forward to really can work wonders :) So until next time, a song from one of my favourite movies of all time, all I know is that to me, you look like you're lots of fun, open up your lovin' arms and watch out, here I come...

Today...

...I have mainly been thinking. It was a weird day.

First up. The friend who I have been making the effort with, the moaner. She asked me a while back to keep in touch, tell her my news, talk to her if I needed to. So I made the effort to email and send facebook mail and send random texts. And she hasn't always replied. Which made me stop sending them. Yesterday she asked me what my news is. I replied honestly, I said I have no news as nothing is happening up here and I feel isolated being away from everyone. It's things I have told other people so didn't expect the response I got. She started spologising, saying she didn't mean to upset me, that I should call her if I needed to and that she missed me. She thought I shouted at her again basically. So I called her. She didn't answer. Since then instant upload pics have shown me that she's out with our friends. Epic.

Next, while writing a list of my perfect man (random pondering following a conversation about pretty men and who we'd take to our island with a friend) I came up with this: Blonde, glasses wearer, piano player, dry sense of humour, kilt wearer, skinny and knobbly kneed, blonde and with a West Coast of Scotland accent. Then I thought a little more, it turns out my husband meets all those criteria. I should really start appreciating him more. And I will, when he stops dilly-dallying over buying a house :)

On that note, we've booked a viewing for another house. It's in a pre-approved area and meets most of our criteria, and, provided the valuation comes up trumps it's affordable. So, fingers crossed.

I'm feeling very isolated. Very isolated, and yet I still focus more on not upsetting my friends than actually being honest with them. I'm pretty sure I can't hold their hands forever, but it's harder than I thought it would be to be honest with people about how I'm feeling. Admitting I'm not coping upset me more than the fact I'm not coping. Well, maybe that's not true. Maybe it's their reactions...

My isolation is not helped by the fact my husband is booking weekends away as if they're going out of style, and not telling me. I made a joke yesterday about viewing, buying and moving into a house and only telling my husband when it was all over and claiming that due to sleep deprivation and the fact he's never home I'd forgotten I was married...

One of my friends is being somewhat pathetic. Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for obsessing over TV, movies, books or all of the above. But she's taking it to the extreme. This is a fully grown woman, with grown kids, who is obsessed with Twilight, Vampire Diaries and a whole host of similar things. Now yes, my friend and I discuss fictional men as if they're real, in fact we've already agreed who gets who when we move into the fictional world of Anita Blake. But, and it's not just one of my friends who is guilty of this, obsessing over guys who are over 20 years younger than you, played one character and who live in the states and you are NEVER going to meet, is not healthy. Especially when you then start seeking out every awful movie they've ever been in, but couldn't have named them in a line up before the release of a certain movie franchise, at this point you probably need to get a grip.

I bought two Winnie The Pooh beanies, classic Pooh and classic Tigger. Officially they're for my collection. Unofficially, they are the start of my decorating my nursery. I don't even feel stupid doing it.

Dan Brown is still not dragging me in, but I can't bear to leave a book unfinished. There is one exception which I cannot face picking up again. Maybe when I'm pregnant or something, I hear you get pretty bad insomnia...

I've figured out what I need to make me cry. The Time Traveler's Wife. It's out on DVD on Monday, so maybe this will all be sorted. The trailer made me weep earlier so I'm pretty sure it's the answer :) But in the meantime, my sense of humour is returning and most of the time I'm actually quite upbeat. Most of the time.

Until next time, from my playlist of over seventy artists, you can tell me how you just don't fit in, and how you're gonna be something...

Oh happy fun.

Friends of ours, who never came out while we lived in Edinburgh, despite us inviting them every week and them being two of our best friends, who we introduced to each other, who said the pub we went to every week was a shithole, who didn't have enough time to come out, who were skint (to be fair, it was mainly the male part of the partnership) who said that pub quizzes weren't their thing, that they don't like going out... Have started going out on Wednesday nights. To the exact same pub, with the same group of people we used to go out with, to the exact same pub quiz.

That is all.

No joy...

...on the other house. We took a drive up past it tonight and there was no sign of life so who knows. Maybe we'll get to see it, maybe we wont. I got my hopes up earlier when my husband started looking at the details for my house from two weeks ago but he's since said he still doesn't want to live there, so back to square one. I think he's now given up on moving in the easter break which is driving me mad as I want it all sorted by summer, especially as the housing market is picking back up and our window for finding a house we can afford is rapidly moving away. Oh well. I refuse to obsess anymore. If he wants to wait and let it drag on he can sort it out, I'll just sign when needed!

I'm reading Dan Brown's latest book, The Lost Symbol. Now, I've read all four of his other books, but it still never ceases to amaze me how many labels and brand names he can drop! Seriously, in the first 100 pages I think he wrote iPhone about twenty times. Is he trying to place the books in history? Prove how up to date he is? Or is he sponsored by Apple? Which would make sense, someone must be funding him...

As a present to myself for clearing and cancelling my overdraft I ordered twelve books from Amazon :D Kinda counter-productive maybe, but it made me happy! As did finding a website that sells discontinued china, meaning I could find replacements for the two mugs from my wedding china service that were dropped two years ago :)

I still need to cry, there is a fair bit of tension in me as a result of deciding to let it all go (yeah, figure that one out) seeing my friends' facebook status updates is still getting to me more than it should, but that will take time I think. And apparently all I have is time...

I have just watched the Grammy awards. And am physically reeling at the fact Taylor Swift won best album. She can't even speak! And she doesn't know how Romeo and Juliet ended! And... Loads of things I cannot articulate at this present moment in time...

I was made aware the other day that I am drinking too much again. So this week I have not had a drink all week. I will probably have a few beers this weekend as we've got a friend up, but given that the last two weeks I've drunk six bottles of wine and several bottles of beer (and only on nights when I wasn't working) I realised things were going a bit far...

So, I will give up on this terribly non-cohesive blog entry and go and watch some terribly weepy movie to see if I can finally get this tension out of me. Oh, and take my 365 pic for today! Until next time, tell me when you hear my heart stop, cos you're the only one who knows...

Well...

...that wasn't awful. The house was actually very nice in a lived-in-by-obsessive-Norman-Bates-types way. Everything was clean and tidy and lined up, I felt like I'd walked into the future of a girl I went to school with who even now is remembered by her teachers as the one who set out her things at school in straight lines and right angles... But other than that, it was very nice. It was decorated relatively nicely, we wouldn't need to change much, it has a dining room (read: Library for me) a GORGEOUS kitchen, garage, back garden etc etc. Hubby's not sure, area concerns again, but he found it really hard to find fault with the house itself so we might be onto a winner! He did say he saw it on the same level as the one I loved from two weeks ago so who knows, maybe we'll end up with that one anyway... The one we saw tonight did only have two bedrooms, bit of a downside, and I think that might sway things in the favour of the other one if it comes to it.

We are still hoping to see another one, but the agents haven't got back to us yet. Last we heard they were having trouble contacting the owners. This irritates me as when we were trying to sell our house we spent every possible moment checking messaging systems and checking in with the agents in case there were any developments, we even bribed friends of ours to do viewings when we couldn't!

Onto other news.
One of my best friends is doing my tree in. She's always bad at replying to text messages or answering the phone, or her emails, or the front door, or her landline, or her boyfriend's phone, or her facebook... I generally get one message every day, as she's going to bed when she checks her phone. In that she answers any text you may have sent her in the previous 24 hours. Now this is normally fine, I just accept it, but at the moment it's getting to me, especially as I told her weeks ago I need to book time off to go down and see her soon and she's kept putting off discussing it for various reasons, meaning the time gets ever nearer and I still havenb't booked my holiday from work, I've only got ten days left unbooked this year and need dates. Last week I said I'd give her a call tonight to discuss a few things, and she sent me a long text earlier asking me a bunch of questions and I said again that I'd phone her tonight. So I tried to phone her. The landline was engaged. I called her mobile. That was four hours ago. She's just text me to say sorry and ask if I can call her tomorrow instead.

Onto another friend. The one I fell out with a few months ago for complaining an inordinate amount about everything and anything. Remember me saying her fiance had been made redundant and she seemed to be getting a grip on reality? Well last week I happened to notice a conversation on facebook between her and a mutual friend, in which she complained that she can't afford to go to a festival this year as her ("stupid") fiance isn't working. Lovely. She also wants to go out for her birthday in a few weeks, that's fine, we have to be down that weekend any to sign over the house. The Friday night we arranged to go out for a few drinks with the people we're staying with. Then she announced she wants to go out for dinner that night. We probably wont go, as we'd already made plans, but also because she wants to go out on the Saturday as well, to a dance that we're going to have to pay entrance for. Now, we're skint. I know a good few sets of our friends are skint and she keeps telling me they're skint as well. But on facebook several times a week I get updates of her going out drinking, eating out, going to other cities for lunch... One wonders how she can afford it really...

Finally, I realise a lot of my posts have been somewhat maudlin recently, my usual humour just isn't cutting it of late. I'm working on it, and normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. For now, a joke to keep things ticking over. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. *ba dum chh*

I've got so much crossed...

...that I'm surprised I can function. We're going to view one, hopefully two, houses this week. One that my husband picked and loved the listing for and was desperate to view but is a little out of the way for me, and only has two bedrooms (but a double garage *rolls eyes*). And one that I wanted to view as the area is very good, it has a garage, three bedrooms, a massive lounge and dining room and is beautifully decorated. We managed to get an appt to view the first one tomorrow night and we're waiting for the estate agent to call back about the second. Once again, my husband is being indecisive, he was desperate to see the first house on Friday and by tonight he had started to change his mind about the area, can we have a collective eye roll? He has, however, had a glowing recommendation for the area the other house is in so fingers crossed we get to see it soon and it lives up to it's listing. Especially as on Thursday I went through every listed property in the city and there were only two districts that he didn't refuse to live in...

In other news, I have finished month one of my 365 Project :) The site wont upload today, but I have taken today's photo (and am very proud of it actually) and I will put it up as soon as I can.

My hair is starting to grow again, a few weeks ago I cut greats chunks out of it to get rid of the final vestiges of bleach from last March, so my hair is now all one colour (currently dark red) but extremely short. I was told to take pre-natal vitamins to get it grow a bit quicker but I think that might actually give my husband a stroke...

My friend and I are planning a joint 25th birthday party this May. I think we've found a venue and I've started stocking up on party supplies (we need a theme dahling!) we also get to decorate, choose our own music and we get a dedicated bar and staff. Epic.

My earphones broke the other day :( Luckily I work right next door to an electronics shop so popped in before work to buy a new set. Recently I've been listening to my mp3 player as loud as it goes, total immersion. I put my new earphones in and I had to rip them out of my ears because it was so loud! So I am now a very happy bunny :)

I have finally cleared and removed the overdraft from my bank account :D It wasn't a lot of debt by current student standards but I wanted rid of it before I bought another house. Very satisfying, even though the bank teller did try to convince me to keep it (and we wonder where the banks went wrong?")

This week people have been giving me a lot of advice. And sometimes I appreciate it, like how to get the best deal on my new mortgage, which areas are the best to live in, what colour I should dye my hair etc. However when the woman who irons her tea towels and socks tells me that having a dishwasher is a waste of water and electricity, the cousin who still lives at home and pays no rent tells me to rent for a few years to get my credit rating up before I buy a new house and the woman with no children tells me I don't want kids and that I have things to do with my life before I settle down then I tend to get antsy.

My mum just told me that the gorgeous christening shawl she has been knitting for the last year is for my first child. I am actually sitting here with tears in my eyes, I love that shawl, and had always secretly hoped she'd do one for me, so hearing that this one is for me has made my day :)

On that subject, my husband has mentioned on more than one occasion this last week the fact we're going to start a family. Now I'm not sure if this is more of his "Sometime in the future" talk or if he's actually relaxing a little bit, but either way, it's nice to know my ranting at him hasn't put him off the idea completely...

Now I'm off to watch some Family Guy and relax a bit, I'm not working tomorrow as it's a local holiday so I can continue my spring cleaning (always fun!) but at least I don't have to get up early :) Until next time, a quote from a song and a film that both remind me of old friends, open up your lovin' arms, and watch out, here I come...

Shocking...

...Well, as predicted, we aren't buying the house from last night. The difference this time is that when we left the house my husband said to me "I really liked it, I really, really liked it, shall we just bite the bullet?" to which I replied yes, call the financial advisor, call the solicitor, call the owner. In the half hour it took us to drive home he changed his mind. So today things are somewhat strained. I'm still not feeling very much of anything, which is driving him mad as he hates it when I'm like this. It drives me mad as well, but that's beside the point.

Today we did visit a new estate agent, who has a house that sounds perfect coming up once the home report has been done. Now it is within the school catchment area, but it really does sound perfect, and is on the outer edge of the estates up there. It has three bedrooms, bathroom, WC, kitchen, lounge, dining room and garage. They are all the things we asked, and it's in our price range and in walking distance to work, for both of us. So we'll see. The solicitor is going to call us when the home report is completed. I'm not holding my breath, but strnager things have happened than my husband getting his act together.

I also told him that I don't want to live in the country (not sure where he'd got that idea from, but he made the "We used to live in country villages as kids so we want to get back to that" speech both at the house and estate agent so I decided to get it out there that actually, that's not what I want. I'm a city girl at heart (apparently) and while I want to get out of noisy estates, I don't want to live in the back arse end of beyond. I tried not to be difficult about it and he seemed to accept it well, so clearly the best thing to do.

So, we shall see. In the meantime I shall continue to do my perfect housewife bit, clean the kitchen, cook the food, wash the clothes, and we'll see what happens. We've got exactly 12 weeks left now on our lease, and 10 weeks before the end of his next school holiday, during which he wants to move. Given that a move usually takes eight weeks to organise from paperwork to moving day we still have time...

For now, I'm watching bad comedy, reading Merry Gentry and sleeping on the couch a lot (migraines are back) A rather obscure quote to end on tonight. Give me time, just, give me time!

Brains... Must eat... Braaaaaaiiins...

Or something. I've given up entirely on being a normal human being because it's just not happening. What IS happening is that I'm drifting from one hour to the next with no real clue as to what's going on.

We're going to view this house in a few hours. I've looked over the details a few times and worked out the pros and cons and to be honest, I'd be happy with it. But I refuse to get excited about it's possibilities because odds are my husband will find something wrong with it. To be honest, I'm expecting him to decided that actually he does want a garage despite him saying it wasn't important. So I'm going to stay quiet, leave it all be until he's made his feelings known one way or another and be prepared for the worst.

Strange thing is, when he came back on Sunday night he started talking about getting the home report back from the house we viewed last week that I loved. He told me how much it was valued at and I mentioned a reasonable bid and agreement (in my eyes) given that information. He then agreed with me before telling me a story about his weekend away... Confucious say, man who plays with his wife's mind is going to get stabbed in the eye (ironically he bought me a spork while he was away)

In the meantime I'm cleaning up. My husband has spent six years complaining that I leave clothes, books, sweet wrappers, DVDs and every other thing I've ever owned, lying around the house. So since we moved I've made a concerted effort to tidy up more since I know I can be messy. However, we still had a row last month about him having to tidy up after me. But today, while looking around, I noticed an odd thing. There's a pile of his Christmas presents still sitting at the bottom of the stairs. The fleece he was wearing to clean the car is also on the stairs, along with my hairdryer, which he used to seal glue in the windscreen washers. There's a book and a magazine of his lying in the kitchen, and a pile of magazines beside the sofa. A pair of his shoes are by the back door and the book he was reading last night is on a chair in the lounge. There are flyers from a magazine he reads on the lounge floor and mail of his is on the kitchen table. In the spare room he has things spread out all over the (king-size) bed and beside table. So. All his things are now in piles. If he doesn't move them, I'll move them. Into the garage. Watch him complain then!

So now I'm off, to mend some clothes and finish clearing things away, and then wait for him to come home and take me to the house viewing (I cannot wait for the day I can buy my own car) Until next time, CLEAN YOUR ROOM!

And then, I burst into flame.

Kudos and cookies for anyone who gets the reference...

Well, we've been to view a few houses now, the first was a complete bust, seriously, I've seen student bedsits with five Irish lads living away from home for the first time in them that were in better condition. The second on the other hand was perfect. In my eyes at least. My husband disagrees and despite how much I might want to I can't force him to live there. So back to the drawing board. We've got another viewing on Tuesday (further away, smaller, no garage) that he seems to think is a better propsect. To say I'm humouring him would be an understatement, but I will anyway, reminds me of the story of how we found a house up here to rent actually.

We booked in to see one house. That's right folks, one house. After I spent a week telling him to sort out some places to see. It wasn't at all suitable, so we didn't take it. We then went into a few estate agents in town and asked them what they had going. We found one place, which was too expensive, but fit the bill. We went back into the office and asked them about it and if there was any chance we could see it that day. As we were begging with the agents the owner walked in! She agreed to take us up there and then and we put the holding deposit down that evening. That is the house we're currently living in. And that was fine. But now we need to find somewhere new, and if he doesn't stop being so picky it's just not going to happen.

There have also been a few conversations recently about us having a family. I have all sorts of concerns here, there are family medical factors, my age, the fact I am so broody it makes my stomach ache... These are frustrating, as while we both agree we should wait until we have a house and are prepared for them, I still physically hurt everytime I see a woman and her young child.

Sorry for the doom and gloom folks, but the blog is called Ophelia Sulks, and today I'm sulking like a pro. Until next time, a quote from Juno (which I have already watched in my attempt to bring some tears to my eyes. It didn't work.) DREAM BIG!

Daddy issues.

So today I spoke to my father for the first time in a few weeks. I should explain, my dad and I have something of a tense relationship. For the most part he was supportive of me, he told me to stand up for myself, watched out for me, did everything he should. He helped me with my homework and taught me to ride a bike. But he worked on the other side of the country, which means he commutted for two hours each way every day and I rarely saw him. And he had red hair and the temper that traditionally comes with it.

He and my mum argued a lot. I rarely took it in to be honest. Then they seperated and my mum re-married. As I got older my dad started to make comments about how he wasn't paying any maintenance for me, and tell his friends he could reduce me to tears over the phone if he wanted to. He was proud of both of these facts.

When I got married my father wanted to give me away, he wanted to be on the invitation as a host of the wedding, though again, he paid for nothing. He came to the wedding, got drunk, made a 20 minute speech about himself, got drunker, made advances at my mother, in front of my step-dad, wrapped himself around my older cousin for half an hour telling her how much he misses our family, then hung himself off me on the dancefloor while I was trying to say goodbye to my guests. He eventually passed out, on the floor of the supper room, and two of my older cousins and the best man lifted him, put him in the emergency evacuation chair and got him down to a taxi. He later claimed to have not been drunk, but to have been tired and emotional.

Since then he has planned to visit me and cancelled more times than I care to remember. He came up for my graduation and actually behaved himself, though my mum and I drank a lot of wine. He still has never offered any help, taken much of an interest in my life or even spoken to my husband in the nearly four years since my wedding day. I began to distance myself. Easier that way.

Today he called me and complained that I'm never home when he tries to call, this is despite the fact I tried to call him on NYE and he didn't answer. Moving on. He then asked for a copy of my shifts so he'll know when to call me. I told him about the house and said we were trying to buy somwhere new. He told me we can't afford another house, that everything I was telling him about was too expensive, sided with my mother over a house we've been looking at that needs fixing up and then moved on to tell me he's retiring in December.

So I'm left upset, again, because I've had many conversations over the last few days about how we can/can't afford certain houses, about how we do/don't want to live in certain areas and about how we should/shouldn't buy a house that needs work doing to it. After days of discussion I was feeling quite good about the decisions we'd made. Only for my dad to come along and put me right back at the beginning, doubting myself.

I know I shouldn't let things affect me the way they do, but he's my dad. He has affected me so much that my first serious relationship was with an abusive fool who treated me the way my dad does, and I let him, for a year, until he assaulted me and verbally abused my best friend. Turns out though that like all bullies, when I stood up to him he collapsed in a wibbling heap. Literally. He left me a voicemail of him having a panic attack. About 18 months later one of my best friends, who knew him first, met him on a bus. She told him I was getting married and she was going to be my bridesmaid and he burst into tears there and then.

I still let the mindset get the better of me sometimes. I was talking to a step-cousin last night and he said "You don't give yourself much credit, do you?" I thought about it and knew exactly why. It's because for the first twelve years of my life there was a real person telling me I wasn't up to it, not just a voice in my head. My husband and I have a great relationship, we talk things through and for the most part will eventually come to an agreement. I spent a lot of time when we first got together thinking he was going to leave me, I still have days where I'm convinced it's all going to blow up in my face, and I've started to realised that the majority of the times we fall out it's because I've started a fight pre-emptively to avoid being blamed for something that he wouldn't have blamed me for anyway, or to avoid an argument I start an argument about something else. Now don't get me wrong, he's not perfect, and he has his moments that make me want to kill him with a pillow, but that's a male thing, right? ;)

But while thinking about all this earlier and trying to tell my husband what had been said I had a sharp memory, and one that suddenly eplained to me why I've been so reluctant to just go for the house I want most, ignore the work it needs doing and just make it work, the way other people do. It was something my dad said to me when I was about seven and had broken something. "You don't deserve nice things."

So with that in mind I am making an appointment to view the house tomorrow. And I'm going to budget, and work towards getting our perfect house, because really, what's the worst that can happen? We don't get solid wood floors and a conservatory. So what? We'll get something else. So until the next time, always look on the bright side of life *whistles*

Mortgages...

...are the work of Satan himself! We are currently working on putting together a proposal for our bank that will convince them to give us a mortgage for a new house now that we've accepted an offer on our old one. In theory it should be easy as we want less than they agreed to give us last time, but banks are a law unto themselves, especially in this "financial climate" eurgh, buzzwords, another of Satan's playthings...

The snow is still here, I got stuck in my driveway the other day which was most fun, I ended up getting my neighbour's parents to push me the last foot over the curb, though I did get some satisfaction from being in second gear when they guy said to me, very condescendingly, "Put it in second, it'll be easier." Bwhahahaha...

I've just had a heart to heart with the friend I fell out with a few months ago. Her fiance has been made redundant so she came down to Earth with a bit of a bump, she's doing ok though, and our friendship seems to be back on track, which is great. I do miss her. I told her about us selling the house, which at the moment is a bit of a secret until we get something signed, so we're all happy now. She told me to get on with the sale and have a baby for her to play with!

Now I'm off to watch Heroes and knit a Space Invader pillow. As you do... So instead of a quote tonight you're getting the beep beep beep of the mothership as it pases over head. BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP...

Your wish is my command...

...or something like that. We've sold our house! It was for less than we wanted for it, but not by much, so we're one step closer to growing up! When the sale goes through next month we'll also finally be financially independent from our parents :)

Only a short post, but I'm very excited, and my cousin is here so we're going to have a drink and celebrate :D Until next time, eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may take away your credit card :D

All is well again.

I've spoken to my mum, who had some news about things going on at home, my step-dad's second in command has left them in the lurch by handing in his notice. Epic. But things are fine between mum and I after a bit of a heart to heart so that's good. Just cracked open the wine and am now watching Nurse Jackie to see if it's worth the hype!

I've joined in the colour game on facebook, it's fun, but attracting more female attention than male, which sort of defeats the purpose, but it's amusing all the same, especially now I know what's going on and am not just saying random colours...

I'm uploading a massive backlog of photos to my photobucket, I used to put everything there but got out of the habit so am now trying to get it done to make sure I've got a good backup place. It's also far easier to share than facebook!

My baby cousin is getting the bus over to see me tomorrow! That is if the roads are still in the same state they are now :D Very excited, love her to little pieces and need some girl time, as much as I love my family there was too much testosterone over New Year with my step-dad, uncle, husband and male cousin about... Going to ask her to bring over My Sister's Keeper as she got it for Christmas :)

Now I'm in a better mood I shall elaborate on New Year. I knocked wine over my laptop and dropped my phone in the snow. However, instead of a mass insurance claim I have been blessed with a self-healing laptop screen (it's not perfect but I can see it, no complaints) and a phone that worked once it was dried out and warmed up. Woop! I have, however, had to have my camera replaced after it stopped working due to something stuck in the lense, despite me keeping it in it's case.

We went out one night for Scottish Tapas, which was amazing, and we had winter Pimm's to warm us up after walking up the ski slope that is my aunt and uncle's driveway. I played, and won, Mighty Boosh Top Trumps. We put the champagne in the snow to chill as there was no room in the fridge. We played the After Eight game while drunk and my baby cousin got chocolate smeared all over her face. We watched The Proposal and The Boat That Rocked and my mother loved them both. I showed my cousins the pictures from NYE and one asked me why I had photoshopped white squares over their heads, they were the squares of paper from playing the "Who Am I?" game and he'd forgotten playing it. I got so drunk that I lost an hour from NYE which included dancing to Paolo Nutini and going for a walk in the snow (ooops). The last episode of Gavin & Stacey made me cry like a little girl, and I'm happy that it ended the way it did, but am desperate for them to make more.

So now to think about the year ahead. I have few resolutions, I rarely stick to them, but I have a few wishes.

I wish for our house to be sold.
I wish for my job to become safe, there is a little doubt about the company at the moment, but I am hopeful it can be saved following the figures from the last week, I firmly believe it's the snow causing us problems.
Job secure, I wish to be able to start saving (this relies mainly on the house, so the two reflect each other).
And, should all those wishes, which seem so plausible in the scheme of life, become a reality,
I wish to be either pregnant, or trying to be, by this time next year. This is my greatest wish, and the one that seems the hardest to attain, as it's the only one I've never done before.

I'm going to watch David Tennent and teh RSC in Hamlet now, so until next time, I humbly take my leave of you.

Back to the grind...

...And I'm knackered! Especially after my epic trek home last night. The buses weren't going up the hill past my house so I started walking, a nice stranger picked me up and drove me to another town near where I live and I started walking from there, thinking that since I was now uphill rather than downhill the walk might not be so treacherous. Lies! It took me an hour to walk through the foot and half high snow and ice back to my house by which time I was so cold my feet were burning and my chest felt like I'd been inhaling Egyptian whisky. I eventually got hom and wrapped up warm with a bottle of wine and some hot food to watch the last three episodes of a TV show I've been catching up on.

Today, I've done nothing. I have loads of laundry to do, I need to de-Christmas the house and tidy up after the festive excesses. My husband is away for a few days which is saving my sanity...

New Year was great, absolutley fantastic, it was great to see everyone and get away and it's only slightly marrred by me being so stressed about going back to work that I snapped at everyone on Sunday night. While we were away my husband, step-father and cousin all went skiing for a day and the women sat and watched chick-flicks. Epic :) I drank too much on NYE and am now the subject of having the piss taken out of me but I don't care. My baby cousin was picked up by police on her Christmas night out and they wouldn't let her go until my aunt went to pick her up :)

I'm feeling ok about everything now, I was a bit stressed, one of the girls I work with is still getting to me a bit, and the other temp is creating a bit of atmosphere, though I'm sure not intentionally, and several hints have been dropped about her having to look for another job. And after a solid twelve hours sleep I'm feeling positively chipper! I lost a lot of sleep after getting up at 7am on New Year's Eve to go to work...

I've started my 365 project, so far a few of the pictures are of snow, given that the snow is currently ruling my life, I felt that was appropriate... At my aunt's house getting up the drive was very much a walking expedition as the snow and ice have turned it into a ski slope...

So now I'm off to de-Christmas and tidy my house, return my furniture to where it normally lives and hopefully warm up! Until next time, sleep well, stay indoors and think happy thoughts.